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Post by aciaraydon on Jan 2, 2009 20:06:04 GMT 1
Acia watched him work for a while, smiling slightly to herself when he got more into it. She truly admired Ryan’s artistic skills and the effort he put into them. She also figured it was a good outlet for his emotions, because he seemed to draw a lot. And Merlin knows, he often seemed to have a lot going on in his life. It seemed to Acia that if she had as much happening to her, she would’ve broken down long before now. In fact, it wouldn’t have surprised her all that much if Ryan frequently burst into tears. But of course, that wasn’t his way.
She let him draw for a while, waited for him to really get into it, then looked up at him with a small smile.
”But everyone’s got their own lives, Ry.” She said softly. ”Your life would be different to hers, and the rest of your family. Because you’re Ryan Robins. You’re not Dominique Weasley, or Mr. Robins, are you?”
She started to play with her fingers. She knew that he constantly wanted to please his parents, but she wished he knew he didn’t have to. She didn’t say anything about that, though. Parents would always have a big influence on peoples’ lives, and she figured that whatever she said about the subject wouldn’t change his thoughts, and he’d have to figure it out himself. She could, however, try to make him realise that he didn’t have to be normal like everyone else.
”Perhaps you’re not the typical boyfriend. Okay, you do get into some tight spots, but that’s how your life is.” She sighed slightly, and started to pick some grass from the ground. “And maybe you do have problems committing yourself to one person. But have you possibly thought that she accepts that as one of your faults? If it upset her drastically, she would’ve said something by now.”
She dropped the grass, and glanced up at him again.
”She likes you for everything you are, and she’s happy with you. She knows you try, and that’s all that counts to her. But if you’re not happy with your efforts, why not try a little harder? Take her out a bit more and stuff. It wouldn’t take much to make her happy...”
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Post by ryan on Jan 2, 2009 21:04:26 GMT 1
He listened to her while he was drawing, letting the words sink in and smiling at the way she carefully phrased her answers. Sometimes, when she said stuff like this, it sounded so logical. It sounded so simple and hopeful that he wanted nothing more than to believe her. Sometimes, when he was with her, he did. Pity that it never lasted, but that seemed to happen a lot to him. He would be filled with hope, with the drive to prove something, until he was alone again.
”I want to try...it’s just that I want to protect her. Maybe it makes no sense, but sometimes it feels like I need to protect others from me.” Protect them, and himself. Cause if he sent them away, they would not get the chance to leave him. They wouldn’t be able to turn him down and get to him. He wouldn’t feel lonely as long as he pushed them away first. Sure, he would still feel lonely, but he would pretend that he didn’t. That he was really the heartless Slytherin bastard.
”And then I just want to find whoever wrote that article and politely tell them to fuck off” Knowing him, he was no match for whoever had written that article. Not physically at least. He knew his fair share of hexes, but he really didn’t need any more trouble. ”I don’t understand why people can’t focus on their own shit instead of gossiping about others. Merlin, it’s not like the entire school didn’t already know I’m a whore.” It was said so calmly that there was little doubt to anyone who heard that he believed what he said. He was a whore, and the school knew.
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Post by aciaraydon on Jan 2, 2009 22:07:04 GMT 1
“But she doesn’t want protecting. And she definitely doesn’t want protecting from you.” Acia stated, quietly but surely. ”All she wants is you, for however long it lasts. You’d hurt her more by pushing her away. And you’d do yourself some good by letting her in...”
She watched him for a while. Despite what he’d like people to think, Ryan was human, and he could benefit so much by actually letting someone come close to him for once. But he never would. If he’d just let Dominique be his girlfriend and actually feel attached to him he’d probably realise that it’s worth the chance of being hurt. Personally, Acia just hoped that he never tried to push her away. She wouldn’t be able to deal with losing as good a friend as him.
When he mentioned the newspaper article, she scoffed slightly. That paper caused endless amount of trouble for students who just wanted to get on with their lives. Whoever wrote the articles must have been seriously lonely, and wanted everyone else to feel so too.
”Oh, don’t worry” She said, pulling her best attempt at an angry face. ”I’d happily do it for you. Anyone who writes in that rubbish deserves a slap round the head.”
She shook her head at him calling himself a whore, but chose not to argue it extensively. He wouldn’t believe her if she did, and would probably dismiss it as her lying. But she knew he wasn’t a whore. Perhaps it was because she knew more than everyone else, but then who were they to call him a whore? They didn’t have a clue about his life. It wasn’t fair for them to judge him like that.
”I don’t think you’re a whore...” Was all she said on the matter, before giving him a cheeky grin. ”But at least they got the slim and sexy bit right.”
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Post by ryan on Jan 3, 2009 17:10:42 GMT 1
“But she doesn’t want protecting. And she definitely doesn’t want protecting from you. All she wants is you, for however long it lasts. You’d hurt her more by pushing her away. And you’d do yourself some good by letting her in...”
She sounded so certain that Ryan couldn’t help but look at her for a moment, his pencil hovering in mid-air. He was reminded of a Muggle song that he identified with a lot of the time. Maybe she was right. Maybe instead of focusing on all that could go wrong, he should instead aim for the best. Aim to improve and genuinely make her happy.
I'm trying to change to make the best for us But I'm just the same, same as I ever was Oh, and if you stay with me, honestly it's what I want But if you stay with me I know I'll hurt you more
So won't you save, save yourself By leaving me now for someone else? If I'm crying out don't listen to it It's only my heart, save yourself It's only my heart
He hummed it to himself absently, returning to his sketch and wondering what Acia was thinking about when she fell silent. Was she wondering how long it would take for him to try and leave her? He would, most likely, try in the future. At some point. Even if he didn’t want to do it. Biting his lip, he glanced back up at her, meeting her eyes freely. ”If I try to leave...will you stop me? Please?” Hopefully she’d know then that he never truly wanted to be apart from her.
When she commented on his being slim and sexy he laughed, tossing the remainder of the apple into the forest where some bird would undoubtedly eat it, or perhaps some other animal. ”Why is it that girls can see how beautiful other people are, but look at themselves and think they’re ugly?” He wondered aloud, glancing at her before finishing the details on her eyes. Honestly, it was something he would never understand, how the most gorgeous girl in school could stand in front of a mirror and criticize everything about herself.
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Post by aciaraydon on Jan 4, 2009 0:11:41 GMT 1
”If I try to leave...will you stop me? Please?”
Acia smiled softly at him, and reached out for his hand. She couldn’t let him leave, for the simple and rather selfish reason that she needed him too much. What would she do if he left her? She didn’t really want to know, and hoped she never had to. She met his eyes, trying to be assuring.
”I promise you I will.” She whispered, squeezing his hand a little. ”How could I let you go? It’d be like losing a limb!”
At his comment about girls, she shifted her glance to the floor and bit the inside of her cheek. She felt a bit hypocritical, telling Ryan that he should believe in himself, to have more confidence in himself and in his looks, when she herself was guilty of the exact same crimes. It wasn’t any secret that she was definitely not self-confident. She couldn’t help it, though. She couldn’t see what he obviously could when she looked at herself in the mirror.
”Perhaps it’s because it’s harder to see your own qualities than it is to see others...” She offered him an answer, figuring that it’s only polite as he had asked for one. ”Or maybe... Maybe it gives them something to talk about? I don’t know...”
She ran a hand through her hair. In all fairness, she couldn’t give him an answer. Why were girls like that? Did they honestly see their faults when they looked at themselves or did they just say things like that to get compliments and other positive comments? Women were a complicated race, and there were very few general rules that could be applied to every individual within the gender. Acia herself couldn’t point out a negative thing about her appearance, but she just didn’t have confidence in them. Even if she couldn’t voice a bad point, she just didn’t think she was all that amazing.
”But then, I could ask you the same thing, Ry.” She replied, tilting her head to a side. She honestly did think Ryan was stunning, and always felt frustrated to no ends when he thought otherwise, which seemed to be an increasingly common occurrence recently.
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Post by ryan on Jan 4, 2009 1:05:06 GMT 1
He smiled when she reassured him she would never let go. It was something he needed to hear every so often and today was one of those days. Squeezing her hand softly, he leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead. It was a sweet and almost brotherly gesture. If they had their way, their friendship would last. It was a nice thought, to have her in his life when he was a lot older and hopefully a little more mature and in control. Things couldn’t get much worse than this, could they?
”But then, I could ask you the same thing, Ry.”
Her voice was soft and it almost made him blush, biting his bottom lip for a moment, before he decided to dodge the real comment and opt for a joke instead. ”Well, that’s cause I am a girl really. Just look at me...I hardly look like a proper butch man, do I?” His slender form and long hair often made people look twice, and he was pretty sure that if he showed up in a dress with fake boobs, it wouldn’t be too hard to convince others that he was a real girl. Not that he’d do that. He liked himself the way he was...at least sometimes. He had never been too worried until he started to...fall in love. God, he hated admitting that.
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Post by aciaraydon on Jan 4, 2009 3:07:32 GMT 1
She shook her head softly at the elder male, but granted him a small smile at his joke. She took hold of his other hand gently and held them tightly in hers. Acia wanted him to know that everything she said was honest and truthful, and that she meant every word. So, still holding his hands, she moved closer to him again, and made sure to meet his eye.
”I don’t know how many times I’ve told you this, and I don’t know how many more times I’ll have to tell you it again, but I’ll happily do it until it sinks in because it’s important that you know it.” She dropped his hand for a moment, reached out and brushed some hair from his face, and took it again. ”You are truly gorgeous. I don’t think you look very girly at all. I mean, of course you’re not butch and manly, but you’re still dead handsome. If I wasn’t so close to you, I’d be fainting at your feet.”
The end of her motivational speech probably sounded a bit exaggerated, but she could easily assure him that she meant it. If she hadn’t known him for so long, she would be fawning over him in a major way. She knew that Ryan wasn’t incredibly low in self confidence, but she felt that he deserved reassuring and all the compliments she gave him. She wanted him to know how special he was, and that he was much more than the heartless Slytherin whore rumours made him out to be.
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Post by ryan on Jan 4, 2009 20:09:43 GMT 1
Ryan smiled at her, listening to her speech while she held his hands. It was nice, sitting so close to her and not feeling like he had to make something more out of it. If any other girl would have said something like this he’d be uncomfortable, worried that she might like him, worried that he might act upon it out of a desire to make her happy. With Acia, he just leaned in, gently kissing her cheek. He was the kind of guy that would kiss anyone on the lips without there being something close to feelings between them, but the Hufflepuff was so innocent, he didn’t want to taint that.
It was wonderful, being with someone who accepted him the way he was, without ever asking for more. He could be himself around her, could utterly relax and not worry about his disorder the way he usually did. In all the years they’d been friends, he had never had the urge to make her his, because she already was, in a way. She was his best female friend, she needed him as much as he needed her and that was the main thing. Ryan didn’t need to tie her to him because she stayed voluntarily. It was the best feeling in the world, something he drew upon when he had bad moments, when he really wanted to leave everyone to stop them from hurting.
”I love you” He replied simply, giving her hand one last squeeze before taking up his pencil again. If he finished his drawing today, he would buy a nice frame around it and give it to her as a present. This was going to look good, he knew it, and it was about time that both of them started believing in themselves.
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Post by aciaraydon on Jan 4, 2009 21:20:55 GMT 1
Acia smiled back at Ryan, a genuinely happy smile, and let him resume with his drawing. What a strange friendship this was. Her, the timid, quiet Hufflepuff no one knew, and him, the Slytherin "whore" of Hogwarts. Strange, but somehow it worked. Perhaps it was because there was more to both of them than people thought. Whatever the reason, she was glad it did work. She never wanted to lose the elder boy, he meant far too much to her. She had a feeling that she'd never have to face that anyway.
Glancing about her, Acia figured that they'd been sitting there for quite some time. The colours in the sky that usually marked the early morning were fading, the sun was getting higher in the sky and it wasn't as cold as it was when she'd first got out there. People would be up and about soon, and their peaceful haven wouldn't be as secret for much longer. With a sigh, she looked back at Ryan.
"We should probably go soon, people are starting to get up" She suggested softly with a sad smile. "You can finish your drawing if you want, or we could do it some other time?
She didn't really want to leave the boy. She adored his company so much, but people would probably get the wrong idea if they saw them together. It was extra trouble that was desired by neither party.
((We could leave it at that, if you want, or you can Ryan's response? Up to you, Mia :]))
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Post by ryan on Jan 4, 2009 21:34:42 GMT 1
Ryan nodded when she suggested leaving their quiet place. Neither of them was really in the mood for company or more gossip, so he reluctantly put down his pencil, looking at the girl in front of him. He was definitely in a mood to draw this morning, and if she had nothing else to do, it would be great to spend the rest of their day together - eating a bit, talking a little and enjoying art.
Standing up, he held out his hand to her, waiting for her to take it or get up herself. When she did, he smiled again, wondering whether or not he'd let her sneak a peek at the drawing. Eventually he decided that no, he wouldn't, because she'd most likely see things she didn't like, things she wasn't aware of or would decide to change. Often it was best to draw someone who wasn't aware of herself as much, which was why Acia was the perfect model. She wasn't trying to be prettier than she was.
”How about we head down to the Room of Requirement. It would be a private place...so we can hang out some more and I can finish the drawing?” His stomach rumbled and he laughed, a happy and carefree laugh. This was the first time in forever that he actually felt like eating something. ”I’m sure it would cater to our needs” He tugged at a strand of her hair, wondering if she had had something to eat yet. The room was another safe haven for him, when he didn’t feel like going into the great hall to be stared at or talked to.
When the girl gave her consent he smiled again, offering her his arm after he had tucked the sketchbook away, carrying the bag messenger-style over his shoulder. Today was promising to be a good day.
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