Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the Light (Fin)

[Abraham Grey]

Nobody could deny that Abe was dedicated to his Hufflepuffs and that he did everything he could to help them, even when they were living up to their reputation of being a little bit dim (and bless the first years some of them really were quite special at times). But this? This he didn’t know how to handle. It still didn’t feel real. Being called into McGonagall’s office in the middle of the night, having to meet August’s parents at St. Mungos and confirm that their worst fears were realised. That their son was dead. Five days of confusion and questions and pathetic assurances that did nothing to reassure anybody.

And now? Now there was only one thing left to do. The one thing he wasn’t sure he could face. He could face distraught parents, deal with funeral and memorial arrangements and handle the subdued curiosity of the students back at the school. But with Fin, Abe just wasn’t sure what he could do or say that might help her. She was too close to the pain of it all. She’d lost one friend and another had been changed irreparably and eternally, twisted into somebody, no something that Fin wouldn’t be able to recognise.

He’d seen her a couple of times since all hell had broken loose. Just quick glimpses of her pale, drawn face, dark circles under her eyes and her shoulders hunched so that she looked small and fragile in the hospital bed. But he’d told himself she needed to rest, that there would be no point talking to her so soon after the attack when the aurors would already be pressing her for details. Abe was a coward. He just didn’t want to hear firsthand what had happened, didn’t think he could be strong enough to help her when he was barely holding it together himself.

Abe took a deep breath. Loitering in the corridor outside her room definitely wasn’t going to help and besides Topher Sterling was starting to give him funny looks. The overly-tall ex-student of his was sprawled easily in a chair keeping guard, not that Abe was convinced that Fin was all that safe with somebody like Topher on watch. At least what he lacked in skill he made up for in enthusiasm and Abe forced himself to ignore the thumbs up the blonde gave him as he finally fumbled with the two coffees he was holding to reach for the handle of door.

If possible Fin looked even worse than Abe remembered and it was hard to imagine that this was the same girl that had given him so much trouble back at the school. Drinking, drugs, smoking and all that attitude seemed like a distant memory. ”How are yo-“ Stupid question. Abe cut himself off and crossed the room to sit in the chair beside her bed. ”I brought coffee, it's the strongest drug I could allow.” He said with a smile, setting the two cups onto the bedside table and retrieving his wand from his pocket to perform a quick warming charm on the drinks. Dithering in the corridor for so long had given them plenty of opportunity to go cold.

[Finlay Cassandra Mackenzie]

[atrb=width,450,true][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=cellpadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=background,http://i51.tinypic.com/2yotog1.png,true][atrb=background,http://i56.tinypic.com/9prvw0.png][atrb=style,padding:0px 50px;background-position:top;background-repeat:no-repeat;] To say the past... well Fin didn't know whether it was days or weeks, had been hell was an understatement. It hadn't felt like weeks, it felt like months. She was trapped here, alone in her room, unable to leave, unable to get out of bed without permission. She'd only had a handful of visitors, none of them 'friends'. Her parents and grandmother had rushed to the hospital once they heard what had happened, their baby, their Finny as her grandmother called her, the only witness to the atrocities that had occurred. They had taken turns to be at her bedside, being overprotective as ever, telling her she should sleep, but how could she? They didn't know what had happened, she didn't want them to know. Every time she saw her dad, she saw Silas, his boot nudging Scott's body as it lay crumpled on the floor, August thrown clumsily over his shoulder. Every time she shut her eyes and tried to sleep, the dreams came, similar dreams to those that used to haunt her occasionally about her grandad, but this time they were all there, Scott and August, that night replayed in her subconscious, causing her to be torn between saving one of them, or her grandad in the other end of the alley, clutching at his chest as the heart attack consumed him. If it wasn't that dream, it was Silas, such a vivid dream it often had her waking with screams of terror. She would just be in the hospital bed, and he would saunter in and zap her, like he'd done to the boys. Or.. the worst one, the one that even plagued her day dreams, when her zombie state made her zone out, was Scott, changeling Scott... and what he did. No, she couldn't sleep, she wouldn't. The visitors from the Ministry weren't all that appealing either. They questioned her, over and over again, the same questions, dragging up all the memories, making her repeat her statement, over and over. She wouldn't mention Silas' name. He had killed the pair of them and no amount of protection the Ministry offered her would keep her safe. They already had an auror outside her door, believing Fin's story that she didn't see her attacker, and putting it down to the killer trying to finish off the loose end. Her. Some of the Ministry members had come in pairs, recreating the 'Good Cop, Bad Cop' she had seen on those muggle shows. One had been calm, asking her nicely, the other had been full on with the pressure, seeing if she would crack. Luckily, her grandmother, the one Fin inherited her feisty nature from, had put a stop to that, seeing how it had been affecting her Finny. Currently she was alone and she didn't know what was worse. Overbearing family, begging her to sleep, to rest, to talk to them, the Ministry, questions, remembering, tears, or loneliness, alone with her thoughts, self hatred and self blame. If she hadn't run, if only she had been brave, not so rash, if only she'd sat down at that table, they'd both be okay. Fin hadn't cried for a while, she hadn't done much in a while actually. She'd heard her mum crying to her dad the night before, about how she was shutting down, closing everything off. Could anyone really blame her? Her eyes stared out of the window at the world outside. Why was it still moving? Why hadn't it stopped? She felt like the world had literally tumbled around her shoulders, but there it was, right before her eyes. It still turned, still went from night to day, the birds still sang, still flew in the sky, people still laughed, she couldn't see them but she could hear them. Why hadn't everyone stopped? August was gone, the sweetest, most caring person in this God forsaken world, he was gone, no more, she would never see his beaming smile across the courtyard again, she would never get to ruffle his hair when he was geeky. Scott... he wasn't... the Scott she knew, her Scotty, he was gone too, as dead to her as August was. The new Scott was the reason she was still in the hospital bed, why she had to bite her lip to stop herself from crying every time she moved, why tears still wet her eyes from the pain that radiated from her stomach and legs. Everything had changed for her, so why didn't the world seem to care? The sound of the door opening made Fin jump, every time she feared she'd see Silas' face appear. It was just Abe. It was just Professor Grey. She relaxed as much as she could, though the jolt had sent another shot of pain racing from her core, up her spine. It would help if they'd give her something, but her tests had come back laced with the alcohol and drugs... and the Ministry wanted her clear and sharp, and the doctors wanted her clean. So... no painkillers. She watched as he crossed the room, setting down the cups and warming them through. Ignoring the 'How are you' comment, which had been purposefully cut off, Fin swallowed to clear her throat. She hadn't spoken to anyone for a while, just nodding, shaking her head. "Thank you... can you pass me one? I can't... they're holding off the medications so... it's hard to move..." She didn't even crack a smile, not even a smirk, at his drug comment. She looked down at her hands, folded over each other on top of the sheets, "I don't know anything, Professor... if you've been sent by the Ministry... or school..."

[/b] Still unable to trust people yet, Fin couldn't believe he would come just to check on how she was.[/justify][/size][/color][/font][/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[Abraham Grey]

Fin was quiet and for a moment Abe was worried that she wasn’t going to talk to him, that she was going to lapse into silence even with him. It was the quiet that worried him the most, she’d spent a fair amount of time in his office over the years and even during her most rebellious of stages she’d never been one to slip into sullen silence. Fin always had some quip at the ready, a razor-sharp comeback on the tip of her tongue in order to undermine any attempts he made to tell her off. The two of them had long ago reached a truce of sorts; Fin broke the rules and Abe gave her detention, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t get on with each other fairly well while they went through the motions.

He smiled as she spoke, the relief he felt slipping onto his face perhaps a little more than he’d meant it to. If she hadn’t said anything she’d have slipped away from him even more and he’d have had to live with the guilt that he’d lost more than one Hufflepuff in the attack. ”Of course.” Abe told her, reaching for one of the cups again, her hand feeling small, cold and unbelievably fragile under his as he pressed the drink into her grip. A frown that wrinkled his brow at the thought that the healers were withholding pain relief from her. He wasn’t even remotely qualified in the area of healing magic, but letting Fin suffer any more than she already had didn’t seem like the right thing to do at all.

Abe struggled to clear his expression, his ability to hide his emotions from his students definitely hindered when he hadn’t slept and those emotions were so raw beneath the surface. He might not agree with the decision of the healers, but he had to let them do their jobs. Luckily Fin’s next comment did plenty to distract him. If Abe disagreed with the methods of the hospital he was downright opposed to the approach that the ministry was taking to the attack. The Aurors were so interested in making an arrest, in proving to the public that they were making progress and coming down hard on the combined threat of a dark wizard and a newborn vampire, that they were practically treating Fin like a suspect.

”I’m not here to press you for information, Fin.” Abe said, reaching for his own coffee just for something to do with his hands. He glanced down at the dark liquid in his cup so she wouldn’t see the wave of irritation that passed over his face. ”I think the Ministry have done quite enough of that.” He had to pause to consider why he was there; he wasn’t naive enough to believe that spending five minutes at her bedside would make it all better. It wouldn't absolve him of the guilt he was feeling and it definitely wouldn’t fix Fin.

”I’m here if you want to talk. About anything.” Abe raised his gaze from his drink to give her what he hoped was a significant look, letting the silence stretch for just a couple of seconds before he quirked his mouth up into a wry, lopsided grin. ”Alternatively we could indulge in a little unhealthy, self-deluding denial and talk about the weather. Word on the WWN says we’re in for some more snow, but the gargoyles aren’t convinced.” It was known by most of Hogwart’s population that if you cared to visit the gargoyles on the roof of the school they had an opinion on just about everything. Weather was the only thing you could trust their word on, though.

[Finlay Cassandra Mackenzie]

[atrb=width,450,true][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=cellpadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=background,http://i51.tinypic.com/2yotog1.png,true][atrb=background,http://i56.tinypic.com/9prvw0.png][atrb=style,padding:0px 50px;background-position:top;background-repeat:no-repeat;] Fin spent the past few days in shock, completely overwhelmed by the events that had taken place. Her two best friends, gone. One of which she now couldn't think about without her stomach churning and the bile rising in her throat. Feeling Abe's hands on hers, as he pressed the warm coffee cup into her palm, made her realise just how cold she was, how weak she was as the small plastic cup felt heavy, like she couldn't make her fingers hold it tightly. So, forcing her fingers to wrap around the coffee cup, she placed the other hand under the cup to lift it to her lips. The taste of the caffeinated liquid slipping down her throat was bliss, not too hot so Fin ended up gulping half the cup. God how she missed coffee. They'd only let her have water here, good old detox. "Thank you..." She murmured when she finally pulled the cup from her lips, the contents gone. She couldn't blame the healers for withholding the pain relief, she could kind of understand the multitude of reasons she'd come up with for it. On one hand, she was a drug addict, whatever they gave her to stop the pain she might become hooked on and use it recreationally. On the other hand, the Ministry wanted answers, answers she knew but kept quiet about. Maybe they could see that? Maybe they wanted to pain relief refused to try and bribe it out of her later. Hmm pain whilst healing or a painful death at the hands of Silas... yeah, screw their pain relief. Hearing Abe had a slight dig at the Ministry's treatment of her made her feel slightly better, reminded her why she had liked him before all of this happened. He was protective of the students, especially the Hufflepuffs, and Fin had never felt like she needed it until now. Having him here was somewhat soothing, until he mentioned about talking. She didn't want to, she didn't want to dredge up that night, didn't want to talk about any of it. His eyes moved back up to look at her, causing Fin to look past him, out of the window. The silence, as clichéd as it sounded, was deafening, only because it made the rest of the hospital sounds louder, the beating of her heart thunderous. Then he smiled, offered her another option, and Fin couldn't help but let her lip quirk. It wasn't a smile but it was more than her face had shown since the attack. "Trust them, it's what you always told us." She nodded her head gently before resting the cup back down. However, the cup pressed against the bruised and tender skin on her inner thighs. Since Scott's attack, Fin had felt sick, even vomited sometimes, when anything touched her skin there. Memories, the pain, a mix of the two, sent waves of nausea through Fin's body and she panted out whimpers as her entire body tensed, the cup crushing in her hand.

[Abraham Grey]

Fin fell on the coffee like it was the first thing she’d had in days and Abe had to suppress a smile as she finished half the cup in a few big mouthfuls. That was more like the Fin he knew; a caffeine addict until the end. He couldn’t even remember the last time she’d thanked him for anything either. Considering he was usually landing her in another string of detentions it wasn’t really surprising, but it felt good to be doing something, however small, to have gained her gratitude. It even helped ease the gnawing guilt that he hadn’t been able to protect his Hufflepuffs from the attack.

”No problem.” Abe assured her easily. ”Just don’t tell the nurses, I don’t want them banning me from visiting.” He said with a wink, hoping she wouldn’t find it too surprising that he was willing to bend the rules for his students outside the school environment. It didn’t really surprise him that Fin opted out of talking about what had happened, she’d never really been one for sharing before and he couldn’t imagine wanting to relive what had happened to her with every nosey visitor that came along to ask her questions. Abe had read the Ministry’s report already and he’d much rather be supportive than push her back into her defensive shell.

He didn’t have a chance to respond to her comment about the gargoyles though as a gasp escaped her lips and she doubled over in pain. ”Fin?” Abe asked, voice filled with concern as he half-rose from the chair beside the bed, placing a tentative hand gently onto her shoulder. ”Do you want me to get a healer?” Medical opinion be damned he wasn’t going to just sit there and watch one of his students suffer when there was something that could help. ”If you need painkillers I can insist.”

[Finlay Cassandra Mackenzie]

[atrb=width,450,true][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=cellpadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=background,http://i51.tinypic.com/2yotog1.png,true][atrb=background,http://i56.tinypic.com/9prvw0.png][atrb=style,padding:0px 50px;background-position:top;background-repeat:no-repeat;] If he continued to bring her coffee, she wouldn't tell the nurses a thing. She hadn't had a drop of alcohol or an ounce of drugs since she'd been admitted to the hospital, she was completely clean... so caffeine was now more like crack to her than anything. Unfortunately, it really didn't stop the pain like weed did. Gasping in a few breaths, Fin could hear the monitors bleep faster in relation to her heart rate, her blood pressure. Yeah well, those bastards had withheld the pain relief so they could deal with her accelerating heart rate. This was a pain that bit into the very core of her body, stabbing her up through her stomach and twisting. Even though she knew it was Abe's hand on her shoulder, she knew it wasn't Scott, the pain was a terrifying reminder of what he'd done, the monster wearing her best friend's body. For that reason, Fin jumped, shrugging his hand off her shoulder as another yelp left her lips. She needed to stop moving, she needed to calm down. She was safe now. He couldn't hurt her anymore. Why couldn't she get that into her thick skull? Then he said those magic words. Abe. Professor Grey was willing to demand pain relief for her? Had they been in the middle of a Hollywood comedy, Fin would have heard choirs of angels singing and light would have flooded in around him. Tears, hot, burning tears tumbled from her eyes and onto her cheeks as she stared down at the lumps her legs made beneath the sheets. Taking in a shuddered breath, the Hufflepuff nodded as she stiffly tried to settle herself back down. "Please... I can't take this anymore..." Furiously, she wiped her hand across her cheeks, keeping one placed protectively on top of the sheets as the pain continued to throb. She was angry at herself for showing weakness, for letting on that she had been hurt. It wasn't the embarrassment of what had happened, it was the world spinning despair. It would just open up more questions, ones to which Fin wasn't sure she had the answers.