Post by rhys on Jan 19, 2009 19:20:15 GMT 1
If home is where the heart is, then we’re all just fucked
[/i]Dear Jasper,
I’m back at Hogwarts for my final year. Or, I’m getting there. I know it’s stupid that I’m already writing to you when I’m not even at the castle yet, but I miss you. Kris is sitting with me, and Louis, and even Remy came to say hi. It’s nice, but all I want is to have you waiting for me at Hogwarts.
Love you,
Rhys
“Rhys! Hey, Rhys!”
The Ravenclaw turned around, rearranging his features into a smile at the sound of his brothers voice. Toby bounced through the hallways, a huge grin on his face as he practically came barrelling into him, whispering something about how he thought his brother might need a hug. Rhys bit his lip as he felt arms wrapping around him, closing his eyes and hiding his face in the smaller boys neck.
Dear Jasper,
Classes started today. They were okay. Kris is in a lot of them, and he’s been really sweet. I’m so glad that he got back together with Louis – you can literally see him glowing. Today’s been alright, I guess. History of Magic almost made me cry – I thought about you a lot.
Yours,
Rhys
The soft sound of a guitar spread through the room, Rhys lying on his bed as Toby sat next to him, toying with the strings.
“I wrote this new song, what do you think?”
So this is my new freedom
Its funny
I dont remember being chained
But nothing seems to make sense anymore
“It’s nice, Toby”
“Nice? I worked on this for hours, do you think Josh will-”
A cringe. “Rhys I’m sorry. I didn’t...”
“It’s fine.”
Dear Jasper,
I keep thinking about you. Today is not a good day. I’m trying so hard to think of all we did together last summer. To think of when I’ll see you again. It seems so long...too long.
His bed was cold when he slid into it that night. He had been selfish and crazy enough to request the bedroom Jasper had spent so many hours in. To spend his nights in the bed he’d shared with his best friend. He tried to smell him on the sheets, tried to find his form in the pillow, but everything smelled new. Clean.
Jasper,
I need you. I need you so much. Why can’t you be here? Why did you have to leave me? I can’t take this anymore. I need you to come back. Come back to me, please.
He knew that Jasper would hate him for this. Would tell him – depending on his day and mood – to stop being such a sissy, or that he really didn’t need to do this, because he would always be there. But he wasn’t, was he? Jasper wasn’t there. So Rhys went back to his old methods. One scar for every day he hadn’t seen the man he loved.
There were a lot of scars on his arm.
Jas,
I’m sorry my last letters were so depressing. I’m doing better, I promise. It’s not that long now. I’ll see you soon. And then we’ll always be together, like we’re supposed to be.
Always,
Your Rhys
Toby woke up in the middle of the night, though he was unsure why. He had been adjusting to sleeping alone, knowing that Josh did the same – or that fucker better do, he’d rip his head off if he found out there was someone else sharing his boyfriends bed – but for some reason, even after tossing his head back into the pillows, he couldn’t fall back into blissful sleep.
Feeling tempted to grab his guitar, he eventually grudgingly acknowledged that it wouldn’t be completely fair to his roommate to wake him up in the middle of the night (even though he still loathed Remy Carver, which he thought was totally justified, since trying to get back at him by sleeping with his brother was NOT a good idea. Luckily that Canadian slimebag hadn’t managed, but still, eww).
Rhys hadn’t been sleeping well either, and since Kris was spending the night with Louis, he figured that he might as well hop over to see whether or not his younger brother was asleep. He felt sorry for him, though he wouldn’t actually say as much, his brother didn’t often get violent but the last thing he wanted was pity.
Knocking on his brothers door, he waited for an answer, pressing his ear to the door to hear if the other was awake. It was quiet, but Rhys was a deep sleeper, so Toby didn’t think twice about turning the door knob and pushing the heavy wooden frame out of the way.
There was a paper on the floor, Rhys’ messy scrawl on the pages of a Muggle scrapbook. He had always preferred regular pens to quill and ink.
Tonight, we fly away so high.
Our first full moon sky.
I'll breathe you in,
I won't let you down,
I won't hold you back,
I won't make a sound.
I know what scares you the most.
Being Alone,
Just like them,
Being Alive,
Feeling so... DEAD.
At least you'll have my... HEART.
You know you shine so bright.
Got a single Silver Bullet
Shot right through my heart.
To prove I can't survive,
Without you.
Can you sleep at night,
If I hold you tight.
I won't let you go,
This feels so right.
“Rhys...Rhys!”
“RHYS!”
Dear Jasper,
It’s been three months since you died. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss you. I wake up screaming in the middle of the night, and sometimes it feels like I’m there with you. I still don’t understand how it could happen. It feels wrong somehow, for a wizard to be killed by something so ordinary as a gun. But it taught me. It taught me that I don’t need anyone else in this life. Just you. It taught me that without you, there is no life for me.
I’m expecting that Toby will read this once he finds me. I made sure it wasn’t Kris, because I could never say those things to anyone outside my family. Toby will understand. He’ll...forgive me. He has Josh after all. And now, I’ll finally have you again.
Forever,
Rhys.
[Lyrics: FOB - 27; Savage Garden - The Lover After Me; Hawthorne Heights - Silver Bullet]