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Post by felix on Jan 5, 2009 22:16:33 GMT 1
He recognised that look all too well. Felix might have laughed if the situation was less serious, and if he hadn’t remembered the feeling too. Instead, he stood there awkwardly, letting the boy have a little time to himself. He felt rotten now, the boy looked positively distraught. You couldn’t blame him though, anyone would be. After a few minutes, he reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.
”Look...Don’t worry, yeah?” He said softly, concerned for the younger male. ”You know what that paper’s like... Some loser kid just trying to stir up some trouble to make his own pitiful life more interesting. It’s bound to be lies... She was probably just sick or something and they decided to play off it.”
The vile paper. What did the writer get out of screwing up people’s lives like this? Whoever he was must have been quite a sadist, and should be removed from the school for the sake of the other pupils. He dropped his arm, sighed and shook his head softly. He might not know Ryan all that well, but he knew him well enough to feel incredibly sorry for him. If this article was a lie, then someone truly deserved a punch for it.
”...Don’t think too much of it until you’ve spoken to her?” He suggested, nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot.
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Post by ryan on Jan 5, 2009 22:51:08 GMT 1
It’s bound to be lies. Ryan heard that phrase, practically latching onto it as he glanced at Felix, the others hand at his shoulder. He was being nice, possibly because he figured that they were going through the same thing. Felix thought he knew how he felt...but he didn’t. Because Ryan wasn’t scared, he wasn’t worried that the rumors might be true.
He wanted them to be. He wanted Dominique to carry his child, to give him something no one else ever had or would. The Slytherin wanted to have a little baby, preferably a little girl, because girls weren’t brought up to hide their emotions. She would love him, like no one else ever could. His head was so high in the clouds that he forgot about the girl that he was supposed to go through this with. Dominique. His girlfriend, the girl that he wasn’t in love with.
Because he was in love. With Tristram Blake. The thought made him bite his lip because he knew that if Domi were really pregnant, there was only one thing to do. He would have to propose to her. Make an honest woman out of her and find some way to raise their kid together. Because if there was anything he wanted it was to be a better father than his had been. ”I can’t believe it...I’m gonna be a father...” He sounded incredulous, but happy.
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Post by felix on Jan 6, 2009 18:30:14 GMT 1
That was the last reaction he had expected. Felix actually let out a small, surprised laugh this time. This boy certainly wasn’t what he seemed to be. To think that he’d react so positively was... strange. However, the Gryffindor felt himself relax noticeably. The thought of trying to cheer up a boy he didn’t know and who was only a year younger then him made him feel rather uncomfortable. However, now that was over, whatever happened next would be a lot easier to deal with now.
”Wow, I really got the wrong end of the stick there, huh?” He admitted, with a hint of laughter in his voice and a lopsided smile on his face. ”Well in that case, congratulations man!”
Meanwhile, the boy in his arms was growing restless and bored of being ignored and not moving anywhere. He stretched a short, chubby arm upwards, grabbed a handful of his father’s hair and began tugging on it lightly. The 7th year rolled his eyes down to look at the boy, and raised his eyebrows in an amused expression. This seemed to entertain Seth, as he let out a gleeful chortle before continuing to suck on his tiny hand. The elder boy grinned at him, and looked back up at Ryan.
The boy standing opposite him was certainly something. He’d never spoken to him much, and tended to make a point of ignoring any rumours that cropped up, but never in a million years would he have thought that the Slytherin would be one for children. Another class example that Felix really should stop making unsupported assumptions about people.
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Post by ryan on Jan 6, 2009 20:05:40 GMT 1
His face spread open into a grin as Felix congratulated him, admitting that he’d been wrong about his thoughts. It was hard, coming to terms with things, but he wasn’t even going to attempt to do that now. Ryan would figure stuff out later...like what he was going to do about Tristram, how he was going to tell his parents...He knew that they’d freak out, that his father would rage on and on about how he was a disappointment to the family.
But secretly they’d be pleased. The Robins name would continue, and their child would be a Pureblood. With who knows, even a little veela in the mix. She – he was pretty sure it was going to be a girl, it’d have to be, he’d always wanted a little girl – would be beautiful, bright and talented. And most importantly, she’d be adored and doting on her father. He would take care of her, love her and give her everything she deserved. And if anyone hurt her...if anyone dared to look at her wrong...
The Slytherin felt a surge of hatred running through his veins, blinking for a moment as he was brought back to the present. Ryan swallowed, running fingers through his hair and looking at the way Felix interacted with his son. ”How did you feel? When you found out? How did you deal?” He knew next to nothing about the Gryffindor really. Rumors barely interested him, but right now he had a desire to know everything.
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Post by felix on Jan 6, 2009 21:31:27 GMT 1
Felix blinked blankly at the question for a few seconds, then gave Ryan a small, sad smile.
”I was...scared. Really scared.” That was the understatement of the year. He wasn’t just scared, he was terrified. At that moment, he decided not to tell the younger boy everything about when he found out, because he was truly ashamed of his initial reaction. It might not have seemed that awful to others, but to him it was. Just the memory of it made him frown.
”Jeez, I... I didn’t know what to do. But I didn’t really have time to think it all through or... or calm down or anything.” The Slytherin probably didn’t know that. He had nine months to come to terms with everything, to think it all through and get himself ready. He’d initially had under an hour. In his memory, this passed in a confused, dazed blur, heart pounding and close to tears. He shook the thought out of his head, and looked up at the sixth year. ”To be completely honest, I freaked out. I didn’t...didn’t...”
He broke off. He couldn’t say that. He didn’t want his son at first. He was confused and upset, and had even tried to leave the poor little boy on the train at one point on the journey to his mother’s house. That was the most shameful thing he’d ever done. He didn’t get further than a few steps, though, before he went back for him, feeling incredibly guilty and like a truly awful person. He recovered his sentence a few moments later. ”I didn’t cope very well at first. But it was pretty hectic for me. Once everything had calmed down, though, it was better. And I kind of figured that... Well, I was in that situation now, wasn’t I? And I couldn’t change it, so I kind of just tried to make the best of it...”
Which had been hard. He nearly broke down a few times, but he eventually managed it. He sorted out a way to carry on more or less like normal, and more importantly he completely fell in love with the adorable child. And once that happened, he knew there was no chance of turning back. His mind drifted away for a moment as he stared happily at the young boy in his arms. After that moment, he knew he could never leave him.
Snapping back to reality, he realised that he’d been very little help to the other boy, and smiled apologetically at him. ”Truthfully, it just happened. One day, I just stopped panicking and accepted it. I don’t know how or why. It just... did. “
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Post by ryan on Jan 7, 2009 0:57:36 GMT 1
Ryan listened to him, wandering over to a bench where he sat down, retrieving a lollipop from his pocket and glancing at Felix, wondering if he was allowed to offer the piece of candy to the toddler. Raising a kid meant he’d have to learn about stuff like this, and he doubted that Dominique would be better at this than he was. Maybe he could drill some information out of the Gryffindor, just so he had a heads up on what was coming.
”You didn’t have time?” The Slytherin looked confused, as if this was too much for his brain to process. How could he...had the girl not told him at all? ”She didn’t tell you? You were confronted with it when things had already happened?” That’s what he gathered from the boys story at least. Perhaps he was mistaken, Ryan wasn’t sure, but the way Felix phrased things made him understand that the older male had had quite a lot of things to deal with in such a small period of time.
”Wow. No wonder you panicked then.” He chuckled wryly, running fingers through his hair again. ”I probably will too, once I’ve had a moment to think about it. I mean, Merlin, it’s a baby. It’s not like...going to go away just because you’re not sure you can deal with it.” His father had once told him, when he was old enough to understand that regular mummy’s and daddy’s did show their children affection, that he was a mistake. That he should have never been born. He wondered if Felix had had the same thoughts about Seth, and silently promised the unborn baby in Dominique’s womb that he would never feel the same way.
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Post by felix on Jan 7, 2009 19:57:12 GMT 1
Felix stood rocking the boy in his arms from side to side, when the child’s keen eyes spotted the sweet that the Slytherin produced from his pocket. Seth squealed happily and launched himself forwards, nearly making his father drop him. The teenager managed to readjust his grip on the boy just in time.
”Whoaa. Steady, kid.” He laughed, and crouched to set the boy down. He whispered in the child’s ear ”Go ask, then.”
He gave the youngster a small nudge, and the boy tottered over to Ryan. He tugged on the elder boy’s sleeve with wide eyes and a small pout, and asked him ”Peas?”. Then, he gave him a large, toothless smile. Felix just about suppressed a chuckle at the boy. A year and a half old, and he was already learning how to manipulate people. He was going to be trouble when he was older.
”She didn’t tell you? You were confronted with it when things had already happened? Wow. No wonder you panicked then.”
The Gryffindor smiled dryly at the other student. No wonder he panicked, but he still felt disgusted his reaction. It made him sick of himself just thinking about it. ”Yeah, I didn’t know until I woke up one morning and there was a kid on my doorstep. Couldn’t really do much about it then though, could I?” He laughed slightly, closing his eyes. ”But I... Couldn’t really think about it right when I found out either. I had to kind of... get out of the house, you see. Before my dad got home. So...”
He paused for a moment, thinking and letting the younger male talk for a bit. No matter how much trouble it had caused him, the stress, the rumours, the moving houses, having to plan things out around the little boy, he’d always insist the same thing.
”It’s worth it, though.” He said with a small smile once the other male’d finished talking. ”I wouldn’t change a thing, even if I had the chance.”
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Post by ryan on Jan 7, 2009 20:12:31 GMT 1
When the little boy managed to get loose from his father and hobbled over in his direction, Ryan leaned over, giving him a warm smile. The boys pout, combined with the toothless grin made something warm erupt in his stomach, a feeling of sudden love and joy overtaking him. It was an odd sensation for the Slytherin, making his eyes go extremely soft for a moment as he handed the lollipop to the toddler. ”Here you go sweetie” He all but whispered the words, feeling strangely vulnerable as he looked back up at Felix.
He had to swallow for a moment, running fingers through his hair to give himself some composure, wondering if the other felt this way a lot. It was all so innocent and simple, so unlike anything he had ever felt before, and he wanted to reach out and mess up the little boys hair. He didn’t though, not sure whether or not it would be appreciated.
”But I... Couldn’t really think about it right when I found out either. I had to kind of... get out of the house, you see. Before my dad got home. So...”
Ryan nodded. If he had lived at home and something like this had happened, his first instinct would be to run as well. He told him that in a quiet voice, the emotions on his face unreadable as he talked about his father. He loved him, which was harder than anything. If he hadn’t, if he had just felt indifferent about the man, it would be a whole lot easier to live his life. Now, with everything he did, he wondered how it would reflect on his parents.
”It’s worth it, though. I wouldn’t change a thing, even if I had the chance.”
”I can imagine that...he’s so precious.” His gaze wandered over to Seth for a moment, before he gave Felix a smile. ”I’ve always wanted kids...and at the same time, I didn’t. I guess I don’t have much of a choice now. It’s just...I’m scared I won’t be much of a dad, really.” He felt like sharing stuff with the Gryffindor, since they were in the same situation, but he didn’t want to go into his personal feelings about children – not when they involved his disorder.
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Post by felix on Jan 7, 2009 20:57:03 GMT 1
The child giggled as the sweet was passed to him, and immediately stuffed it in his mouth. He stood practically motionless, sucking happily on the lollipop and making enough mess about it. The boy was going to need a good scrub afterwards to get rid of the sticky hands and lips. The child’s father smiled down at the scene, pleased at the way the two were interacting. He was amazed at the way the younger male was taking to the small boy. It was quite strange for him to see, but incredibly sweet at the same time. And for some strange reason, he felt insanely proud of his little star.
Felix was interested to find out that the other boy had some sort of parental problems, too. He didn’t press to find out what these were, he was definitely smart enough to know not to do that. Fathers seemed to be a touchy subject recently. He had promised himself, once he’d sorted himself out, that he’d be better than his father. The man was indifferent to his presence, and more than likely just wanted him for the family allowance rather than because of his emotional attachment to his son. He’d promised himself that he’d love his boy more than anything else, and show him that he did. And he wasn’t looking to break that.
He gave the other male a large, proud grin when he said Seth was precious, and nodded his agreement. The boy was more special to him than anything else could have been.
” It’s just...I’m scared I won’t be much of a dad, really”
He nodded at that, too. He remembered feeling like that at one point. But this time, he wasn’t going to rush into assuming things. He’d made a fool of himself once already, today. That was quite enough for him, so he decided to keep this sentence relatively short and simple.
”Don’t worry, it seems to come pretty naturally after a while...” Was what he settled on saying.
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Post by ryan on Jan 7, 2009 21:12:18 GMT 1
”Does it?” Ryan glanced up at Felix, somehow doubting that. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to believe the other, but how in the world would something as earth shattering as this become normal? How did you deal with the fact that you suddenly weren’t the most important person in your life anymore? What if he made a mistake? What if he couldn’t love the kid? He had never loved anyone before, not since he was twelve and smart enough anyway. What if he had closed himself off to the point where he’d never be able to selflessly love another?
”I’ve never really...Loved anyone, I suppose. I don’t love her.” It was hard to admit to anyone, but it was true. He didn’t. He cared for Dominique, he respected her and to a point he could see himself with her in the future. But loving her? No, he didn’t. The thought of being married to her scared him more than anything, more than the child even. She might not ask for much now, but when she became Mrs Ryan Robins, she surely would ask for him to be an adult. To straighten out his act, to take his medication and be monogamous...things that maybe at some point he wanted, but wasn’t ready for. At all.
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