Because I Always Feel You In Me [Ryan/Mature]

[ruu]

Toby sighed, a long shuddering breath. He had a feeling that this was only the first of many explanations. So many people would come to him wanting to know the true story if this ever got out, and Toby wasn't looking forward to turning into a broken record. He didn't know if he could even handle it. He didn't want to be hated by the entirety of Hogwarts, despite how much he always dismissed what everyone thought about him in the past.

"I was scared.." He spoke honestly, feeling like he didn't need to hide anything from Ryan. Toby hadn't seen Lovely around in quite some time and he was feeling like he seriously just needed a good friend to confide in at this point. Plus, he kind of figured that Ryan could in some ways, identify with his situation because of his entire professor-pedophilia issue. "I'm supposed to hate Josh and he's supposed to hate me. We're not supposed to enjoy sex with each other." Now he paused, as if thinking something over in his own mind. "Well, I did hate Josh at the time.." But he wasn't so sure now.

Shifting his weight a bit, Toby tilted his head to bring his brown gaze upon Ryan. "So, I pretended to be an anonymous supporter by owl and finally was able to get why he pushed me away out of him.."

[ryan]

"I was scared.."

Ryan nodded, trying to rack his brain to find some way he could help Toby. Josh definitely wasn’t his first priority, but he did feel bad about the situation. Maybe they could figure out a way to get the truth out without it being a complete embarrassment. It would never be easy, but he hoped that it would work out all the same. Perhaps if they were to strike back using the exact medium that had made Josh into a rapist?

"I'm supposed to hate Josh and he's supposed to hate me. We're not supposed to enjoy sex with each other. Well, I did hate Josh at the time.."

So, the sex had been enjoyable. Interesting. The Slytherin leaned his cheek onto Toby’s hair for a moment, understanding all too well where the boys thoughts had come from. It didn’t make things right, but they were definitely easier. When this started off, he had had no feelings whatsoever for the Professor either, but now that everything was set into motion, he felt bad in hindsight for embarrassing him. ”At the time?” He murmured questioningly, though the question was really answered when Toby continued to speak.

"So, I pretended to be an anonymous supporter by owl and finally was able to get why he pushed me away out of him.."

”Why did he? Because he was sickeningly in love with you? Because really, Tobes, you should have known that a long time ago.” His smile was kind, he was only trying to show his friend that this wasn’t a big deal to him. That no matter what, he supported the Gryffindor. ”Seriously, what he said made you change your mind about hating him? You’re suddenly into him now?”

[ruu]

Yes, at the time. At the time he really, truly, and utterly hated Joshua Callaghan and everything about him. During that point when they'd slept together, Toby still harbored so much bitterness and anger towards everything that had happened between them, the rough way that their friendship was needlessly torn apart. He paused in his thoughts, a bit startled by something. Needlessly torn apart. Despite everything that happened, and how confused he was, he knew that what they had wasn't worth all this bullshit. He actually wanted to be friends with Josh again.. The only problem was, once lies and anger started to be filed on.. it was so hard to come out and do the right thing, to speak the truth and forgive and forget. Toby had a hard time with the entire remorse, forgiving, truthful issue when it came to Josh. He couldn't just come out with it. Damn Josh for not realizing how Toby really felt without him having to say it.

"Because his boyfriend made him do a bunch of incriminating shit over the summer and he was afraid of what I would think." Toby practically snarled at this, hating how stupid of an excuse it was.. and it made him begin to feel a bit angry all over again. As Ryan mentioned how obvious it should have been that Josh was in love with him, Toby just glared again. "No, Ry.. I was ignoring him for almost two years besides pausing to spit hateful things in his direction. I didn't realize he was obsessed with me."

Toby scrunched his nose at Ryan's next two questions. "When we were talking through owls.. I realized that there's a lot in him that still is my Josh. It made me miss how we used to be. I told him to meet me in the owlery today and I told him I was the owl messenger. I miss him.. and he knows, but I don't think he really gets it.. I don't really get it myself." He paused, his voice growing a bit softer now. "I kissed him like I have never kissed anyone else ever before. I can't figure out why I feel this way, but I just do.. I can't forget about him. I want to, and I don't want to at the same time.."

[ryan]

There was so much that Toby needed to say that Ryan just let him rant, snarl and do whatever it took to get those emotions out. He had to agree with the Gryffindor, it was a flimsy excuse, then again, what did he know? He barely knew what incriminating shit it was, let alone what Josh had been feeling at the time. He hoped that the older Gryffindor had at least managed to explain it to Toby, because as it was, he could very well imagine how his friend felt cheated.

"I kissed him like I have never kissed anyone else ever before. I can't figure out why I feel this way, but I just do.. I can't forget about him. I want to, and I don't want to at the same time.."

That definitely caught his attention. Ryan knew all too well how that felt and he rubbed at his eyes in a tired motion. Some days he wished that he could just force the thoughts from his mind, take them out, put em into a pensieve and never ever be confronted with them again. Then other days he couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss, couldn’t stop wondering and hoping that maybe there would be more to it after all. The difference was that he was fairly sure Josh at least had feelings for Toby. It might not be simple but it was a far cry away from the difficult situation he had managed to land himself in.

”Well, I don’t really know...what to do, I mean. If you want to forget about him, ignore him and do what you’ve been doing. Find someone else to be with, if only for the night. Maybe that works.” That’s what he had figured as one of his game plans. Fuck it all away until he was too tired to think. ”And if you don’t want to forget him...I suppose you need to go and talk to him. What did he say after you kissed him like that?”

[ruu]

Sighing deeply, Toby lifted his head up to glance at his friend. Though at the current moment, Tobias Steele was being completely self absorbed with his own problems, here was Ryan Robins trying to be a really good friend despite the fact that he probably felt like utter shit for his own reasons. As Ryan mentioned finding someone else to be with for the night, Toby couldn't hold back a small smirk. Sometimes he and Ryan thought so much alike that it was amusing they ended up in different houses. Sex for forgetting. Wasn't it the best medicine? At this point, Toby wasn't as sure of his answer as he used to be.

But it was actually sounding like a really good idea right at this moment. As Toby stared at the person he'd grown to be good friends with, an idea that probably wasn't his best one popped into his head. "We didn't really say anything else.. He jerked me off but it didn't leave me feeling satisfied.." Toby's voice was low as he leant forward and brushed his lips across Ryan's neck. He didn't know how the Slytherin would react.. but he had been curious, so curious for a while now. And now was a better time than most, right?

"I think for tonight, I just want to forget him.." He didn't think about the fact that something like this often ruined friendships. He didn't think about what if Ryan pushed him away or rejected him. Tobias Steele was not used to be rejected, so it simply hadn't been an option. It was just a quick fuck. They both felt like shit and often a session would make a person feel better and to Toby, that's all it would be. Toby needed to stop thinking about Joshua Callaghan and Ryan needed to stop thinking about Tristram Blake. Slowly, ever so slowly, Toby ran his tongue along his Slytherin friend's neck.

[ryan]

Ryan listened to him, a small smile playing around his lips when Toby mentioned not feeling satisfied, and wanting to forget him for the night. He knew well enough that his own words had put this thing in motion, and he had said them deliberately. Toby...well he had always wondered, and he was pretty damn sure their friendship wouldn’t suffer. Not if they just viewed it as a quick fuck, something between friends. That’s what friends did, wasn’t it? Helping each other out?

He moaned softly, closing his eyes as the Gryffindor licked along his neck. Damn him for knowing him too well. The Slytherin reached out for him, shivering softly at the mere idea of doing this with him, to him. Dominique? Tristram? They could wait. They were responsible for this mess and he just wanted to clear his head. That wasn’t wrong. He was trying to make things right, if anything. Maybe after tonight he’d be able to forget his troubles and go back to leading a happy life with the Ravenclaw girl.

[ruu]

The fact that Ryan Robins moaned and reached out for him was all the consent that Tobias Steele needed to know that it was alright to go further. Toby smirked mischievously, sliding both arms about Ryan's body and leaning the Slytherin back against the couch gently. It wasn't one of those times where Toby felt like being sexually submissive, which he guessed was fine because most of the time when he thought about it, he just couldn't picture Ryan as being a dominant one. Perhaps he was wrong and he would find this out. If he did, Toby would be highly amused.

White teeth gently nibbled at the soft skin on Ryan's neck, fingertips sliding teasingly along his spine. Toby wanted to feel good, and he wanted to make someone else feel good without all of the bothersome emotional baggage that came with it. Slowly, he brought his lips up towards Ryan's ear, placing a small kiss upon his earlobe before whispering. "Do you want to see what it's like, Ry?"

[ryan]

The words were making him heady with desire, the Slytherin closing his eyes again (not remembering that he’d opened them in the first place) as he let his head fall back against the couch, giving the other boy more room to work on his skin. His neck, along with his earlobe were terribly sensitive and he couldn’t help groaning softly when Toby just breathed on the skin there. His arms pulled Toby closer so he could catch those teasing lips in a demanding kiss.

Unlike his friend thought, Ryan was quite the aggressive lover. He didn’t often bottom, in fact it had only happened with Marius. Whenever he was with a guy, he would claim top, marking their body as he fucked them. They didn’t mean anything to him, so why would he let them fuck him? It just felt wrong somehow. With Toby he wouldn’t protest much though. He loved his friend, enough to let him be dominant, though if he figured that the Slytherin was just a submissive lover he was definitely wrong. He’d tease and taunt him, claiming him and demanding to be claimed in return. ”I’m up for it, if you are” Ryan grinned, sliding his hand over his friends groin teasingly.

[ruu]

Toby couldn't help but smirk when he realized just how sensitive Ryan was. He managed to slide his tongue across Ryan's earlobe one last time before the Slytherin captured their lips in a kiss. He had to admit that he was a bit surprised at the demanding air it took on from Ryan's end and he moaned softly, sliding his tongue towards those soft lips. Toby's tongue flickered across the soft flesh teasingly still before his nibbled softly for a mere moment. If Ryan wanted to exert some sort of dominance, Toby would show him what it was like to be teased. Quickly, he broke the kiss and sat up a bit, bringing himself to straddle Ryan's lap completely.

"I am definitely up for it, Ry.." His voice was a whisper, caught at the tail end by a soft groan as he felt those fingers brush across his groin. Without thinking about it, Toby's hips lifted into Ryan's touch ever so slightly, a subtle hint that such teasing touches weren't enough. What was in store for the two of them sexually? They'd never been together like this before and Toby found himself growing childishly excited. It was definitely going to be fun getting to know Ryan in such a manner, especially if they both had similiar ways of going about this.

Leaning forward, Toby began to grind his hips against Ryan's in slow, soft, and agonizing motions. "That is, if you can handle the heat.."

[ryan]

”Oh I can handle it” Ryan answered, not even a hint of uncertainty in his voice. He knew all about teasing, about turning on the ones that he wanted to be with. So many supposedly straight guys had been seduced into a quick fling, because he could. Because he was good at it. So was Toby though, and it would definitely lead to an interesting night. The way the boy was teasing him, hips rolling too slow, lips shying away every time he got into it...it was both intoxicating and frustrating.

At some point, Ryan just grabbed Tobias and flipped them over on the couch, sliding on top of the Gryffindor. Their fully clothed state was beginning to get rather frustrated so he grabbed the boys tie, yanking it off in a swift motion before he kissed him again, harsh and demanding but with that edge of love and trust in there. He wasn’t even aware of that being in there but it was. Pressing their hips together to create some friction, the Slytherin entertained himself by finding the spots that made little Toby Steele squirm underneath his hands and lips.