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Post by ruu on Dec 8, 2008 18:14:48 GMT 1
What a fucking mess his life was turning out to be.
Toby had run from that owlery tower as fast as his legs could carry him, his face half buried by his long sleeve so that no one could see his tears. He felt ashamed of himself for the first time in a very long time. Here was, sobbing like a child over someone he couldn't decide how he felt about. It was maddening.
He couldn't go back to the common room. He didn't want people to see his pale face so blotchy, he didn't want people to know he had obviously been crying. They would ask questions, maybe someone would even assume that Josh had raped him again. It was something Toby didn't think he could deal with right now.
And so, he wandered down a random corridor, not even paying attention to where he was going. He felt sick to his stomach, and his vision was clouded. Reaching up, Toby pulled off his glasses to frantically wipe away at his dark eyes. He couldn't see well, and nearly bumping into a statue, Toby flipped his body to rest his back against the wall. Sliding down slowly, he landed onto the cold floor with a hard thud, burying his head into his hands.
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Post by ryan on Dec 8, 2008 18:23:48 GMT 1
Ryan had been wandering around as if he was in a permanent dream. For some reason, he couldn’t get this stupid encounter with Professor Blake out of his head. He knew damn well that it had only happened because he’d been stupid enough to drug him. This man, this...person, that he liked, wasn’t even there. It was all fake, all empty, and that hurt beyond words. He hadn’t told anyone, because well, what was there to tell? There were marks on his collarbone, marks that he sometimes brushed his fingers over, reliving what had happened and reminding him that it had happened.
And sometimes he just felt cheap, wished they would fade away. This whole ordeal had just proven that he was still the same boy, still the one who fucked everything up beyond recognition. Not only had he made their relationship into something it wasn’t supposed to be, he had also cheated on Dominique. Why was he so good at messing up the things that were supposed to mean something? Ryan definitely wasn’t doing too great these days. He had spent most of his time in the Common Room, drawing during the day and smoking cigarette after cigarette during the night. The Slytherin could hardly remember the last time he had slept peacefully, and it was partly why he passed through the corridors without really seeing anything. Even when he passed Toby, his eyes were glazed over and troubled.
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Post by ruu on Dec 8, 2008 20:08:07 GMT 1
After a few moments of wallowing in his own misery, Toby looked up and put his glasses back on his face. He'd managed to get himself to stop the water works, but his face was still red and blotchy. After allowing his eyesight to adjust, he realized that he was in front of the Room of Requirement. How ironic.
What was even more ironic, and perhaps even convienent, was that his friend Ryan Robins just happened to meander by at this exact moment. Toby watched him, a bit surprised that he had just strolled on by without even saying anything. Ryan looked like he was off in another world, and his eyes told the tale of trouble like like Toby was feeling. He sighed softly, making a cough in the back of his throat to announce his presence.
Brown eyes trailed over Ryan for a moment, but he hadn't moved from his pathetic position against the wall yet. "Robins!" Sometimes Toby called Ryan by his last name when he wanted his attention, his Scottish accent a bit shaky seeing as how he hadn't spoken out loud since he'd uttered those confusing words to Josh in the tower. Toby desperately wanted some kind of normal company, and he had the feeling that Ryan did too.
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Post by ryan on Dec 8, 2008 20:19:48 GMT 1
"Robins!"
Ryan scowled, wondering who had felt tempted to shake him from his thoughts. By the way he had been walking and staring off into space, it was pretty obvious that he didn’t want to be disturbed. But of course, someone had decided to ignore that and be selfish. When he glared down at whoever it was, his gaze softened. Toby. The kid had had a hard time recently, and Ryan had been too selfish to really be around him much. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be there for the Gryffindor, his thoughts had just taken him elsewhere most of the time.
As he took in the others appearance, noticing the red, blotchy face, Ryan came to a halt and crouched down next to the smaller boy, reaching out to touch his shoulder. By some sort of sheer miracle, Toby Steele and Ryan Robins had never ended up in bed together. They both fucked around on a regular basis, but somehow their paths had never crossed this way. It left him curious, but never wondering whether or not they should take that step. If it happened, it happened.
”What’s wrong? Did he hurt you again?” Of course he’d heard about the rape story, and it had sparked up an anger in him which had been horribly difficult to fight down. Ryan had been so tempted to hunt down Josh and beat the shit out of him. He only hadn’t because he was already on egg shells as it was – his being promiscuous left him with his toes on the line, one more step and he’d be out. But he’d been tempted to find some way to get back at the older Gryffindor.
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Post by ruu on Dec 17, 2008 18:43:56 GMT 1
At this point, Toby was mentally cursing himself for allowing himself to cry like a baby. Of course Ryan had noticed. How could he have even excepted the Slytherin not to when his face was as red and blotchy as if someone had hit him in the face? As Ryan took his shoulders, Toby inhaled shakily. The last thing he wanted to do was to start crying all over again in front of his friend. Toby had always prided himself in being a tough person, quick to tell someone to fuck off and to stand his ground. Joshua Callaghan was making this more and more difficult to maintain every day.
Toby shook his head half heartedly in response to Ryan's question. No, Josh hadn't hurt him physically. But emotionally.. now that was an entirely different story. How could he look Ryan in the face and tell him what happened in the owlery when everyone thought that Josh had raped him? "I just.. I am confused." His voice was soft, and it was a rather cryptic answer. Toby wasn't used to spilling his thoughts out to people anymore. He'd tried to keep himself under lock and key ever since Josh had betrayed their friendship all that time ago. It seemed like ages ago..
He took a moment to glance around, remembering that they were indeed in front of the Room of Requirement. If Ryan were going to try to pry some information out of him, Toby really didn't want to do it in the open for anyone to hear. "Just a second.." With a groan of effort, Toby pulled himself to his feet and grabbed onto Ryan's hand. He walked across the way, thinking of a place to talk privately. As the door materialized, Tobias gently led his friend into the room.
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Post by ryan on Dec 17, 2008 18:59:29 GMT 1
Ryan frowned, knitting his eyebrows close together when Toby told him how confused he was. He nodded, wondering whether or not he would get an explanation, then realized that in a way, he already understood. At least, he knew how confused he was, why couldn't it also be a state of mind for Toby? He couldn't help but wonder how similar their situations were, if perhaps his friend had also started to have feelings he shouldn't. Shrugging it off when Toby got up and grabbed his hand, Ryan told himself that he was probably the only one to ever feel this stupid and nervous at the same time.
The room materialized in front of them and Toby led them in. Looking in the room, he saw a big and comfortable couch, a fire roaring in a small fireplace, drinks and a little sidetable completing the picture of peace. On the other side, there was a bed, covered in silk sheets. It made one side of his mouth quirk up in a smile. He'd known very well what Toby's way of dealing with things was, but it was rather interesting to see it being brought into existence because of the others thoughts.
"What happened, Toby?" Ryans voice was soft as he sat down on the couch, leaving the bed out of the conversation for now. He wanted to genuinely help, not give him a quick shag and leave him with his feelings unspoken. There was more to their friendship. He loved him as much as he could, as he dared.
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Post by ruu on Dec 17, 2008 20:14:37 GMT 1
Toby was so used to his own thoughts that he barely even thought about the bed as he watched Ryan sink into the couch. Right now, he was being greeted with the overwhelming urge to cuddle like a child up to its mother. Biting down onto his lip, Toby lowered himself onto the couch next to the Ryan, slipping up against the Slytherin's chest in one smooth motion. He pulled his arms in close to his body, bringing his thumb up to chew on the nail, and resting his head against Ryan's shoulder.
"Okay, well I guess I have to tell you the whole thing because just part of it will probably make your head spin with confusion." Toby sighed, knowing very well that what he was about to tell Ryan would probably leave his friend angry with him. But he had to tell him.. "Ryan, Josh didn't rape me." His muscles already tightened, as if he expected Ryan's fist to sail into his face. He was hopeful though, and remained curled up against Ryan's chest and he would stay there until Ryan made him move.
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Post by ryan on Dec 17, 2008 20:29:26 GMT 1
"Okay, well I guess I have to tell you the whole thing because just part of it will probably make your head spin with confusion."
Toby had curled up to him as if it was the most natural thing on earth and Ryan smiled, wrapping an arm around his shoulders loosely, letting the other lean into him. It was nice to touch someone without it being a whole big deal. Without it leading to something much more physical and confusing.
"Ryan, Josh didn't rape me."
He was quiet for a while, the only sounds coming from their slow breaths and Toby chewing on his nail. To say that he was a hundred percent surprised would be a lie, but over the weeks Ryan had convinced himself that someone couldn't lie about this. Not when it was something that could ruin Josh's life. Yes, he'd known for a long while now that Tobias didn't handle conflict well, but he hadn't expected him to hate him that passionately.
"What did happen then?" He asked quietly, letting Toby rest against him and running fingers through his hair for a moment. Ryan couldn't be angry with his friend, if only because he knew all too well that a lie was easier than the truth. He hadn't lied to protect Tristram, it had been an act committed solely to protect himself and not become the laughing stock of the school.
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Post by ruu on Dec 18, 2008 18:33:42 GMT 1
Toby smiled when he felt Ryan's accepting arms about him, but he knew that as soon as the Slytherin heard those confessing words that slipped from his lips, this embrace would be short lived. When Ryan fell into silence, it actually began to make Toby a bit nervous. He hadn't been pushed away yet though, so that at least was a good sign. The Gryffindor took to chewing on his thumb nail a bit more vigorously, resisting the urge to spit when some nail polish came off into his mouth.
He relaxed a smidgeon when Ryan simply asked what had really happened, resting his head back against the other's chest as he felt those fingers through his hair. For a moment, his heart leapt out towards Ryan. Here was a friend who was obviously not about to flip out on him and come to some quick judgments. Ryan was actually going to remain calm and listen to him. Toby really couldn't suppress a small smile despite how frantic he felt on the inside.
"I had been forced to try out for the Quidditch team by Amelia Pace.. I made the team even though I didn't want to, so I was sitting in the common room drinking my irritation away while everyone else was celebrating because they all see me as some amazing prodigy flyer or something." Toby paused, finally moving his thumb away from his mouth. "I got pretty drunk and I started to argue with Josh on purpose. He got drunk too.. and he kissed me because of a dare but it turned me on and we ended up having some pretty rough sex.. That's where the bruises came from."
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Post by ryan on Dec 18, 2008 18:41:37 GMT 1
Ryan listened to him in silence, occasionally rubbing his neck. He’d been out in the woods today, looking for birds and trying to find something that calmed him down. It hadn’t worked too well, so he had spent most of the afternoon painting. His commision work never seemed to show any progress when he was in one of those moods, so he had actually been drawing Tristram in a secluded part of the school. If anyone found out he was harboring a pre-schooler crush on the man he’d definitely be laughed at.
”Why’d you lie about it?” His voice was as quiet as it had been at his previous question, making sure that there was no judgement in his words. Toby didn’t need someone flipping out on him, demanding an explanation in harsh tones. If there was anyone who’d do that it’d be Josh, and he suddenly felt very sorry for the older Gryffindor.
Even after their fight he had seen him stare at his former friend and he had been pretty sure that the kid was harboring a huge crush on Tobias Steele. Which was probably what made the rape all that more believable. But as well as knowing that things must be hard for Joshua, he also realized that it must have been so hard for Toby. Contrary to popular opinion, Toby Steele did have a softer side and a conscience.
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