Alone en la Vida [Josh, M]

[ruu]

Toby was a pretty observant guy when he wanted to be, and he definitely noticed the way Josh had been looking at him the entire time. It felt odd, but good at the same time. It reminded him of how they used to be. Absolute best friends, there for each other no matter what happened.. and he wanted it back, but he was so afraid. But at the same time, it felt so natural, sitting here with Josh like this.

Why had they ever hated each other? It shouldn't have happened..

Staring down at the page, Toby continued to lean against Josh. He didn't move, he didn't think to. His brown eyes scanned over the book, unseeing and utterly confused. Damn this assignment and this book all to hell. "School isn't all it's cracked up to be at all." Finally spotting the article about the "red thing", Toby leant a bit closer. His eyes scanned over the words but he didn't care.. it went in one ear and out the other, and he kind of just... stared at the page blankly. "What.. the hell is this thing?!"

[josh]

Josh knew that Toby wasn’t doing it on purpose, that he wasn’t trying to flirt with him, which surprisingly (or not) didn’t make it easier to ignore. The fact that he was so close, that he was leaning against him like it was the most natural thing in the world, it went straight to his heart. Why did Toby have to look so damn cute when he was confused? The younger Gryffindor attempted to read the article but it was obvious by the look on his face that it didn’t work out all that well.

His own eyes went back to the page as well, glancing at the text until the words started to dance in front of him. He knew, logically, that this was to do with Toby and that, if they really wanted to get this article done, he should tell him to focus and move away for a while. He also knew that he wouldn’t, that he really didn’t want to. Joshua could be selfish sometimes and this was one of those times. All he cared about was that Toby leaned into him so naturally, that he looked so cute and utterly lost that for one second, he just stopped thinking and leaned in to brush a kiss over the younger male’s lips.

[ruu]

When he'd asked Josh what the hell the object the book spoke about was, the answer he had not been expecting was a kiss to his lips. A soft sound escaped from his lips. Perhaps it was a bit of surprise, or perhaps it was a bit of contentment. Toby was surprised and yet he wasn't at the same time. Lately, the two couldn't seem to keep their hands and lips to themselves, could they? It made things so much more complicated, but so much more enjoyable at the same time.

The poor Gryffindor was so confused. Here he had been, glad for some normal interaction.. glad that they could act civil towards each other. They had been taking baby steps towards repairing their broken and battered friendship. But this kiss.. this kiss reminded Toby of something much more complicated than just a friendship.

But of course, this was Tobias Steele.. and something that should be the easy and right thing to do, never happened with him. He should have pulled away and opened up a line of conversation that desperately needed to be dug up, but he didn't. Letting go of the book, it slid off of Josh's lap and clattered to the floor loudly. Lifting both of his hands up to grasp Josh's neck, Toby slid his fingers eagerly into the hair on the nape of Josh's neck and returned the kiss.

[josh]

A soft sigh slipped from his lips when Toby kissed him back. This was good, wasn’t it? To be kissed like that and not pull away? Or was Toby just doing it...No. Josh cut those thoughts short, deciding that he should really give the other the benefit of the doubt this time. They both had been stepping out of their comfort zone lately and he should give the younger male credit for that. It was obvious in the way he kissed him back a little more firmly for just a few seconds, a smile almost appearing on his face as he pulled back.

”Toby” His voice was soft, a little shy even. They really needed to talk. Even if he wasn’t ready to hear some of the answers. He needed to know whether there was any chance of getting back to who they used to be. Or if they could even be more. Joshua bit his lip, sliding his own hand over the one that was slid into his curly hair. He swallowed, brown eyes glancing at the Asian hesitantly. ”What is this? Between us?” He wanted to ask the other to be his boyfriend but realized that it would be a claim neither of them were ready for. ”Wait...I mean...what do you want it to be?”

[ruu]

This.. it felt so right. Toby couldn't help but feel like he wanted to stay in this moment forever, and it scared him so completely that he was even afraid to pull away at this point. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt his heart flutter at the touch of someone else like this, if it had ever even done it before. When Josh pulled away from the kiss, it took everything Toby had to kiss him against instantly. He didn't want the kiss to end.

When he heard his name slip from Josh's lips, Toby's heart skipped a beat. He could tell by the tone in Josh's voice that the older Gryffindor intended to dig up a line of conversation that Toby wasn't comfortable with just yet. He was still too scared, still too confused and conflicted. He swallowed hard in his throat, brown eyes averting from Josh's gaze as he heard those questions slipping forward. On cue, his heart beat sped up, feeling like it was going to break through his rib cage and splatter all over bother of their laps.

Toby wasn't good at this sort of thing.. talking about relationships. He stared at the floor for what seemed like a complete eternity before finally opening his lips to speak without looking back at Josh. "I... don't know." He wanted Josh back.. he knew that if nothing else, he wanted his best friend back. But he couldn't ignore what he felt, and he couldn't ignore how different it felt from before.

He bit his lip softly, finally bringing himself up to look at Josh. Josh had to know that Toby was horrible with these kinds of conversations, and he hoped that Josh would have some sort of patience with him as he tried to formulate his own thoughts into words. "I want you back, Josh.. but.." He trailed off..

[josh]

It was hard, sitting there and talking about a subject neither of them were all too comfortable with. It was a completely new thing, working through their issues instead of blaming the other, picking a fight and leaving when things got too intense. He rather liked it though, the fact that Toby tried. That he seemed to genuinely want to be around him, even if it was going to be a bumpy ride.

As for himself, he knew that what he needed most of all was patience. To give the other the space and time he needed. So Josh just nodded when Toby told him he wanted him back, then lapsed into silence. He gently reached out, brushing a strand of hair from the younger Gryffindors cheek. ”I want you back too, Tobes. As whatever you want. Whatever you’re comfortable with” He knew that he should probably explain just what he wanted, but he didn’t want to put any pressure on the boy.

Yeah, if he had his wish he’d end up being his boyfriend, at some point down the line. Not now though. There were still too many things left unsaid, too many feelings and frustrations that needed to be dealt with. Joshua just wanted to be able to talk to him, to hang out and make music together. Whatever it ended up being, it was fine by him. ”I just want to be able to spend time with you again.”

[ruu]

As Josh reached out and brushed the hair away from his face, Toby closed his eyes, tilting his head to the side. Why was something like this so difficult? Normally Toby could spit out what he was thinking or feeling without so much as a backward glance. It could get him in trouble, get him into someone's good graces, what have you.. but with Josh, Toby didn't know why everything was so much more difficult. He simply bit his lip gently and nodded as Josh spoke.

Toby didn't feel like himself, and it kind of made him feel awkward. He fell silent, an odd sort of expression plastered across his pale face that more or less spoke of how uncomfortable he was feeling. "People.. won't like it." He spoke quietly, wondering since when he really cared what anyone else thought. Perhaps it was because this was such a big issue and to Toby, it was so much more than a friend.. or his parents.. or a casual fuck. This was practically his life on the line in so many ways.

Unable to help himself, Toby slipped back slightly, once again bringing his lips towards Josh's in a gentle kiss. His heart was still beating furiously, hands nearly trembling as he brought them up to rest upon Josh's neck once again. Slowly, the younger Gryffindor climbed across Josh's lap and sat upon it with a knee on either side. He didn't quite press himself up against the other though, leaving a bit of space as he continued to kiss the other.

Toby knew he was bad with words.. Josh just had to know how he felt through these kisses, right? Toby couldn't think of any other way that they could be taken other than him missing Josh genuinely, and being so utterly confused about everything. He just did not normally kiss a casual fuck like this.

[josh]

Josh shrugged a shoulder, parting his lips to give Toby his exact opinion on what people could do if they had a problem with their being together, but he didn’t get that far. Because the boy was kissing him again, making his mind go utterly still. All he wanted was to be with Toby, to run to him with every bad mood he got and every good thing that happened. He wanted the other to be able to do the same, to share the good and the bad times as they used to in the past.

When Toby climbed into his lap, Josh wrapped arms around him comfortingly, running fingers down his back and up again, until they tangled in soft blonde hair. It was nice, kissing him. But the one thing that made him shiver, that made him gasp and press himself closer was the overwhelming feeling of love he got from that kiss. It made him swallow as he pulled back, trying to catch his breath and gazing at the younger Gryffindor with dark brown eyes. He tried to read everything in his eyes, wanted to confirm what he had felt in that kiss without having to use words and possibly break the spell they were under. There weren’t any promises, but there was something.

[ruu]

Toby found that he didn't want to catch his breath. He wanted to be gasping for air, he wanted to kiss Josh until he felt dizzy from the lack of oxygen. When Josh pulled back, Toby didn't allow him much room to gaze before his lips were back upon the others. His tongue slid forward in a wild manner, but it wasn't lustful like he usually kissed. Toby's heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he could hear it crashing in his ears, but the realization that he wanted it this way suddenly washed over him and it made him tremble even more, clinging to Josh and practically turning into mush as he pressed himself against the older Gryffindor.

When he felt like he couldn't stand not breathing any longer, he finally pulled his lips away. They were red, swollen, and he looked thoroughly flushed with the kissing. As brown eyes stared at Josh, his chest rising and falling rapidly, Toby felt something else stir within him. It started in his chest, forming a knot and lodging itself deeply, sweeping up along to his brain and making itself completely known. When he looked at Josh, Toby could feel nothing but such raw emotions. Where was the hatred? Toby couldn't find it.. He was suddenly staring at the person that he'd known better than anyone else. Toby was suddenly staring at his best friend again, and not his bitter enemy.

After a few moments, Toby found that he had to look away. His eyes were beginning to sting, that emotion threatening to push through like it had done the last few times he'd been around Josh. This was the part Toby hated. He couldn't stand not being to keep ahold of himself. He couldn't stand not being able to keep a straight face around Josh. Swallowing the lump of emotion down in his throat, Toby knew that he just didn't want Josh to see him cry again. He gasped from the struggle to keep the tears down, burying his face quickly into the older Gryffindor's chest just as the first tear fell.

[josh]

Josh looked at him, the emotions so thick in the air that he swallowed, wanting to reach out, but also afraid that something would happen and he would end up ruining things. Instead he just continued looking at him, not daring to break that tension that was lingering. He chewed on his bottom lip, his eyes slipping down to see that thoroughly kissed mouth. It made him feel proud in a way, even a little possessive. He had done that...and it was because Toby had let him...because Toby had wanted him to.

A slow shiver ran down his spine as Toby looked away from him, suddenly diving into his arms. He swallowed, wrapping his arms around the younger boy, holding him like he was the most precious thing on earth, and to Joshua, he probably was. He wanted to protect him, to take care of him and make him happy again. He had hurt him so much throughout the past two years and all he wanted was to get the chance to make it right again. To spend time with him, making him smile that one wide wicked smile until all the tears that had been shed were forgotten.

Holding him close, he gently raked his fingers through Toby’s hair, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. One single kiss for all the things that he couldn’t say. He wanted to say that it was okay to feel like this, that he’d take whatever the other wanted to offer him, but he couldn’t find the right words. He hoped that Toby understood nevertheless.