Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 7, 2008 15:54:34 GMT 1
Seth was far from lonely, he'd lived with being alone. But he had never been lonely. He liked solitude, some would say too much. When at home, during the holidays, people would complain that he spent too much time cooped in his room avoiding the world talking to his lizards and making sure they had everything they needed. With Ash here with him now, he would never be lonely. Not even alone.
Ash thought he had changed so much because of the chair, and maybe he had, but he was still Seth's best friend, nothing would change that. Which was one of the reason's why this argument was so pointless. It was a Möbius strip, put your pen on it and you never have to stop to turn a corner, you just keep going, round and round and round. Until you got tired of course, which was likely in this situation. Tired of the subject, the repeated subject of choice.
"Mate, I'm happy, alright? I just don't see the need for this conversation. We've been over it before. I want to help you, and I'm happy to do it okay? And I'm not lonely, You're my best mate, how can I be lonely or unhappy or whatever else you think I am?" Seth kept his tone quiet, not hushed or violent. It was without anger or panic nor was it rushed. He wanted out of the argument and he had to be calm to achieve that.
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Post by ashley on Oct 7, 2008 16:01:23 GMT 1
Because I want you to be more than my best mate, Ashley thought, swallowing a lump in his throat. It was never going to happen, was it? Seth loved him, sure, but he loved the man from before the accident. Maybe, if he had ever broken up with Noah, maybe then he'd had a shot at something real with his best friend. Right now though he was too frightened to believe that he might still be worth something. To anyone, let alone Seth.
"We're just going around in circles aren't we?" Ashley wished that Seth would just listen to him for once. He knew that he was mostly at fault for this argument that neither of them seemed to want, but it was so important that Seth knew what he was trying to say. "I just...I suppose I don't understand how you can be happy with just me around. You deserve more. You deserve someone..."
His voice almost broke at this because it was something that wasn't true in the slightest, and yet he felt like he had to say it for Seth. Taking a deep breath, he pressed his fingernails into the palm of his hands. "You deserve someone who can love you." Cause even if he could, even if he did, he would never be able to be that person for his friend.
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Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 7, 2008 16:18:54 GMT 1
"We're just going round in circles aren't we?" Yes, they were. Seth nodded. Not taking his eyes from his book. They weren't arguing if he wasn't looking at him. At least, that's how Seth saw it.
"You're right," he said, pausing, still not looking up from his book, speaking normally still, he turned the page before continuing, "You don't understand," he still didn't look at him. If he did he wouldn't be able to keep the conversation going, he'd feel more guilty about it if he had to look. Not that he was about to shout, or say anything hurtful, but it didn't seem right to him for him to be having a slight go at his best friend, "I'm happy with just you Ash, becasue you're my best friend. I don't have anybody else here that's willing to get all that close to me, unless you haven't noticed," he said, still reading the book infront of him, not taking any of it in.
"People can love me, all they want in fact, I'm not, and you defintely aren't, stopping them!" he pushed his glasses up his face, wishing for a glass of water but knowing he had nothing. So he just kept looking at his book.
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Post by ashley on Oct 7, 2008 16:32:40 GMT 1
Ashley nodded at that. He wasn't going to stop Seth, no matter how much he loved him. Rubbing at his face, he wondered whether to apologize or just go to sleep, but it seemed like he could do neither. He just wanted to bury himself into Seths' arms and forget about this whole nasty argument. It was all his fault too and he was just so sick of alienating others. He needed his best friend close to him, just for a while.
"Seth?" He sounded rather vulnerable at the moment and had to force himself to unclench his hands. Taking a few deep breaths, he hoped that the other Hufflepuff would realize how much he just needed him right now. Not because he couldn't do something physically, but because he needed a hug. "Can you come here for a sec? Please?"
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Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 7, 2008 16:48:36 GMT 1
Seth looked up from his book at he call of his name. Waiting expectantly without saying anything for whatever the completion of the sentence was going to be. When it finally came he stopped a moment before moving. Slowly, he folded the page of his book and shut it.
Offering Ash a small smile he stood, merely turning on the spot and sitting on teh edge of his friends bed. Seth didn't know what to say, or do for that matter. A few hours ago he'd been quite happy. He'd made a new-ish friend and had a laugh, it didn't help that this 'friend' was nice, and incredibly good looking. And about the only person who made Seth feel like he could be normal. Not that he couldn't with Ash, but there was always something he had to do, with Oz he could relax.
He'd gone down to the Quidditch pitch to talk it over with Ash, only to see him lip locked with some other guy. He wasn't Seth's property, he held no claim on the blonde at all, but it was still a shock to the system.
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Post by ashley on Oct 7, 2008 16:54:14 GMT 1
Ash held his breath until Seth actually stood up and sat down on his bed. He reached out for his friend, just pulling him down next to him so he could wrap his arms around him and bury his face in the others hair. Something about that smell always relaxed him, took him back to nights they spent together on the beach, to days they hung out with each other during the holidays. Seth was made of happy memories that he never wanted to lose.
"Seth..." He whispered again, just trying to get closer to him, always closer. Ashley couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the feeling of gratitude, of love and just the desire to always keep him this close. When he was with Seth, he felt normal. When he was with the Hufflepuff, he didn't worry so much. And he knew that it was a stupid thing to do, a really goddamn stupid thing, but he couldn't stop himself from laying his lips softly against the others mouth.
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Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 7, 2008 17:09:49 GMT 1
Seth willing allowed himself to be pulled into the others embrace. Tense to begin with but soon relaxing into it. It was weird for them to get really close, sre they hugged and stuff, but it was still odd for them to be this close since the accident.
What happened next though he hadn;t expected. Not since he'd seen Ash doing exactly the same thing to a fifth year Gryffindor the night before. The sudden feel of his best friend lips on his was an odd feeling. He hadn't seen it coming both literally and metaphorically, having had his eyes closed, but they soon jerked open at the action. This was wrong. This wasn't what they wanted.
Ash was with Cypress, or he had been, and if there was one thing Ash hated more than anything it was people cheating on others. Seth wasn't about to be the 'other person' and he still wasn't entirely sure what Ash meant to him, and he didn't know if this was it. Right now this was well past the boundaries he had set in his mind.
After a second of having Ash's lips on his, Seth was away, pulling back sharply and pushing himself up off the bed. "I'm not Cypress, Ash," he started getting back onto his own bed, "I'm not gunna kiss you, when I know you'd rather be kissing him," with that Seth took his book back in his hands, turn his back on Ash and led in his bed, reading his book. His book wouldn't lie to him, his book would only give him facts. His book wasn't confusing!
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Post by ashley on Oct 7, 2008 17:15:34 GMT 1
Ash nearly groaned when Seth didn't pull back straight away, his heart skipping a beat foolishly, and all he wanted was to be with him, to be like this, not just tonight but forever. He wanted Seth to kiss him back, to feel those lovely soft lips claim his. He wanted to be Seths boyfriend so badly that it took a moment to register the words that his friend snapped at him.
"I'm not Cypress, Ash,"
Had he seen? Did he know?
"I'm not gunna kiss you, when I know you'd rather be kissing him,"
Wait...What? Seth thought that Ash would rather be kissing Cypress? Cypress? Honestly...Ashley shook his head violently, wanting to go over there and explain it all, wanting to push Seth back onto the bed and kiss him properly. "It's not like that. I don't want to kiss Cypress. I want to kiss you."
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Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 7, 2008 17:23:46 GMT 1
Seth groaned angrily to himself, a near growl. But he didn't do angry, he didn't do pissed off, now however, was an exception. He was annoyed, he was angry, he was very much pissed.
"Don't fucking lie to me Ash! I fucking saw you!" he slammed his book shut with such a force and turned back towards his friend, "You didn't exactly push him away! And you're not the cheating kind! If you wanted to fucking kiss me so badly, you wouldn't have been making out with that freak in teh middle of the Quidditch Pitch!" okay, so freak was a little harsh, and he was hardly one to talk. He sat quietly in corners, he had no friends. Right now he didn't care, Ash couldn't, shouldn't mess with him like this!
"You just think you want me, becasue you have nobody else!" it was a low blow, a very low blow, but right now Seth just didn't care. This was no right. Ash didn't want him, and he didn't want his best friend, not like that. Not when he had just met somebody else who he'd taken a keen interest in. Nothing had happened yet, but it might. He didn't want to throw that away just yet. Not when it was so promising.
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Post by ashley on Oct 7, 2008 18:37:43 GMT 1
"Don't fucking lie to me Ash! I fucking saw you!"
Lie to him? Why would he lie to him? To his best friend? It wasn't like that! He didn't want Cypress, not in the way he wanted Seth! It had just been one fucking kiss, because he was trying so hard to be good, to be a proper friend only.
"You didn't exactly push him away! And you're not the cheating kind! If you wanted to fucking kiss me so badly, you wouldn't have been making out with that freak in the middle of the Quidditch Pitch!"
"He is not a freak!" Ashley was getting angry now. It didn't matter that Seth was yelling at him, that he had just called him a liar to his face - even though that hurt so much he could barely breathe. But he could not call Cypress a liar, the only boy who even thought he was good enough to look at, to kiss and hold.
"Just because he thinks I'm actually worth the time of day doesn't mean he's a freak! At least he wants to be with me!"
"You just think you want me, because you have nobody else!"
Ashleys eyes went wide at that, and he grabbed for the nearest thing he could get, which was his alarm clock. An old-fashioned one, that you had to switch on and off and wind up. Taking the heavy thing into his hand, he threw it in Seths direction. "Right, like you're so honest about wanting to be around me. You're just hanging out with me because nobody else will bother looking at you twice."
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