Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 12, 2008 21:56:12 GMT 1
"You just found somebody else to be me," he said, nothing bitter in his voice. He was doing his best to not make a scene out of this. He kept his voice volume normal, his tone soft - again normal. "I don't mind, Ash. In fact it's nice just being able to be your friend. But I just need to take a back seat for a bit. Whenever I'm around you, all I can think about it what you need. Do I need to help you with something. Can you manage, and if I'm not with you, its are you okay? Do you need me to help you? It never stops! Which is why I just need to take myself away from it.
It drives me insane. Because I want to be there for you, I do. But I don't know if I can do that, and still be your friend any more." that was the only way he could think to put it. The only way he could. He didn't want to hurt Ash, he wanted to remain friend with himm, but waht he said was the truth. He wanted to be his friend, he wanted to be close - but he couldn't take those thoughts out of his mind. Ash would never just be his friend any more, he was his responsibility.
"Then just let me do this, let me go. Let me venture outside this cocoon I've become encased in. I just need to escape it. Christ, let me turn into the fucking butterfly, okay?" What was he on about? he hadn't meant to swear, neither had he raised his voice at his friend. He was not turning this into an argument now. "If you really are my friend, you'd better stay away from me. And if you aren't, you'd better stay away from me. Just for now."
(*whistles* I didn't quote Buffy...)
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Post by ashley on Oct 12, 2008 22:09:11 GMT 1
Ashley listened to him in silence, showing him that he was listening, that he did pay attention to the others wishes. Seth mattered, no matter how cruel he would treat him, Seth would always matter. "It drives me insane. Because I want to be there for you, I do. But I don't know if I can do that, and still be your friend any more."
"It's okay. You can have all the time you need. Cause Seth, I don't want this. I don't want you to feel like that. So by all means, take that time. Please. I just...I just want to be your mate, yeah? When everything's said and done, whether or not you're together with someone, whether or not I'm still in this fucking chair...I just want you to be my best friend again."
If this was the way his friend felt then what else could he do but let him go? Even if it meant that he would go off and date Oz. Even if. Because Ashley loved him. More than anything. More than he loved himself, even on a good day. So he'd let him go. He'd let him become that butterfly and just hope that there would still be room for him in the others life. He'd take it, no matter how small a part he'd play. He'd be the friend, the one who got to be happy with him when Seth was happy with Oz. The one who'd pick up the pieces if things went wrong. "Cause, whatever happens...you'll always be mine.
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Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 12, 2008 22:40:43 GMT 1
Seth nearly groaned in frustration, he hated going round in circles and that what what he mind was doing, a constant circle. It was like he was lost on a roundabout and he didn't know which exit to take, he just kept going, round and round.
"I'm still your mate. I just can't be near you right now. I need to clear my head of all this," as if to support his point he brought his hand to his forehead and rubbed it angrily. His head was starting to hurt. "I need to catch up on work, read up on things I don't know, I need to do what I did before. I need to be able to sit in the corner of the library hidden from everybody else and just read. Not have to worry about what you're doing and if your okay. Just give me a couple of week to get myself straight. To spend my time in the library and being the geek I am. Let me be the loner I am. Okay?"
Of course, spending time in his corner of the library never meant he was alone any more. He would be spending time getting to know Oz a little better each night as he tidied that corner. Or read another book Seth could talk to him about. They both learnt new things about the wizarding world each day, and it was nice to have somebody who he could relate to, to do that with.
"Spend some time with August, and I'll see you at nights before you go to sleep. And in the morning. August can help you, I'll just take a back seat, and revert to how I was. Okay?" That was all he wanted, to just be him.
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Post by ashley on Oct 12, 2008 22:45:27 GMT 1
"I need to catch up on work, read up on things I don't know, I need to do what I did before. I need to be able to sit in the corner of the library hidden from everybody else and just read. Not have to worry about what you're doing and if your okay. Just give me a couple of week to get myself straight. To spend my time in the library and being the geek I am. Let me be the loner I am. Okay?"
Ash nodded, looking up at Seth and hoping he could see the honesty in his eyes. "Okay. And I am okay. I promise. I'm okay without you as my caretaker. I'm only not okay without your friendship, Seth, and I'm sorry if you ever thought it was otherwise." He just wanted to be able to smile at him during mealtimes, and say good night when they were heading to bed.
"August can help you, I'll just take a back seat, and revert to how I was. Okay?" He smiled and nodded again. "Be who you are. Cause I love that boy." It was said softly and simply, for Seth to take however he wanted to.
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Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 12, 2008 23:02:15 GMT 1
Seth couldn't help but wonder if the use of the word 'caretaker' had been a deliberate choice of words from the blonde, if it had, he wasn't going to let it get to him, if it hadn't, he wasn't going to let it get to him. Seth nodded down at his friend, hoisting his broom back onto his shoulder. "I'm going to go and be that boy then," he said, no emotion showing on his face, gripping his broom tighter and sighing slightly. He didn't want to walk away, but after his little outburst of a speech, he had no reason to stay.
"I'll see you at dinner, okay?" he said briefly before turning way and heading out of the pitch. First things first, he had to put his broom back in the cupboard and make more than just a mental note of where it was this time. Then he was going to go, grab some parchment and head over to the owlery - he could send another chain of amusing letters to Oz. Make himself feel better, perhaps arrange another library meeting with him after dinner.
He just needed to be him.
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