Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 12, 2008 19:37:52 GMT 1
"I'm not about to blank you when you talk to me," he explained, his Mum had always told him that you were to speak when spoken to. Not in the 'don't speak you irritating child' sense, but not to be rude to others and reply if they ask you a question or speak to you, no matter what terms you were on.
"I know you're sorry, believe me, I am to. But I just need... I dunno, I guess I just need... space?" he explained. They weren't arguing, that was good. Seth was not about to mention his replacement either, that would only make him riled and then he would say something he regretted. He didn't take to kindly to being replaced. In a way, Oz had sort of maybe but not really replaced Ash. He spoke to him a lot, he cared what he thought, but Oz didn't depend on Seth doing everything for him, and it was nice to have that for a change.
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Post by ashley on Oct 12, 2008 19:43:19 GMT 1
He breathed out, relieved that Seth didn't seem to be angry with him, though the words saddened him still. Seth didn't want him around anymore, or at least at much. "You still want me around though? At least some of the time? I mean...I tried to stay out of your way cause I've been a right asshole the last time we talked." Ashley ran fingers through his hair.
"But it's...it's not like I want you gone, mate. I just...I guess I still needed someone around to help me out, you know? If you weren't gonna do it, I needed someone to help." His sentences were coming out all garbled and he wasn't sure if he still made sense, or had to begin with. He just wanted Seth to understand so desperately.
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Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 12, 2008 19:52:46 GMT 1
Seth shuffled where he stood, the broom falling from his shoulder and using it more as a prop to hold him up, Ash didn't really seem to get it, "Look, mate, don't take this the wrong way, whatever you do," he said holding his free hand up slightly as if it would somehow protect him, "But, when I say I need space, I mean from everybody."
"Have whoever help you, that's not what this is about, right now," he said, his voice heralding it's usual softness, "You need somebody to help you. I get that. But I just need to be alone," he didn't want Ash to think he'd abandoned him, but Seth held grudges, he didn't forgive people easily. It didn't matter who it was, when people hid things from him, or anything remotely like that, he put up his defences, and it takes a long time for them to dissolve again. If he was to make up with Ash fully, it would take more time than this.
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Post by ashley on Oct 12, 2008 19:59:27 GMT 1
He listened to the others quiet voice, nodding. He knew Seth, like no one else did, or at least, no one else had known him like this in the past. But he'd seen Seth around, seen him with this Caretaker that Ash grudgingly admitted was cute. So even though he heard his friend saying he just needed time to be alone from everyone, he knew that wasn't true. Not entirely.
"But you're not alone, Seth." Ashleys' voice was soft as he pointed this out. He really didn't want to get into another argument, but Seth wasn't being fair with him. "I get it though. You need some more time, that's fine mate. I just want my best friend back, whenever you're willing to be that again."
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Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 12, 2008 20:49:32 GMT 1
Seth had been looking at the floor throughout his speech, he frowned now though, at Ash's reply, "What's that suppose to mean?" he said, once again his voice not raising above its usual quiet pitch, staying its usual softness. Okay, so Seth wasn't alone, but he just wanted time away from the life that caused him a fair bit of strain.
All he did, all he ever thought about was what Ash was doing, how he was, whether he'd be able to cope, and that was a lot, on top of the work he had, and the need to have some time to himself once in a while. The last while he had spent focusing his energies on what Ash wanted, not what he wanted, and it had taken a lot out of him. He needed a break.
If that break involved the caretaker, than that was what it would involve. Oz brought a breathe of fresh air to Seth otherwise hectic life. He rarely had time to breath, and Seth hated that. He needed room to move. He needed the opporunity to get away from everything once in a while. He hadn't had that, he just had this constant worry in his life and it was doing him no good. He needed to be a teenager, just for a bit.
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Post by ashley on Oct 12, 2008 20:53:53 GMT 1
"You said you needed to be alone. But you're not. You're with him." Ashley couldn't help sounding jealous. It wasn't that he wanted Seth to pine for him, like he didn't allow him any friends. But he'd had the feeling that it was more for the Hufflepuff. That he was falling in love with him, and that hurt.
Yes, he was with August and he honestly cared about him. August made him smile again, made him feel like not everything in his world was bound to go to hell. August taught him that it didn't matter that he was in a wheelchair. He needed someone, and he knew that he shouldn't be upset about Seth needing someone too. It was only fair. But no matter how stubbornly he tried telling his heart that, it wouldn't shut up.
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Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 12, 2008 21:04:39 GMT 1
It was hard to tell Ash that he needed a break from the life he was leading without hurting him - the last thing he wanted to do. "Him?" he asked as if he didn't know. Oscar had been to the dormitory to sort something out. Sure he had spent more than five minutes there, but the guy was his friend. Yes, he found this friend extremely attractive and wanted to spend more time with him than he was allowed, but Oscar was still his friend.
"The guy has a name, Ash. And you know it, why can't you just use it?" Seth was hurt more than anything. He felt it rude and unnecessary to refer to Oz as 'him'. Ash might as well have called him 'it'. Ash was being jealous, and annoying, and Seth just wanted to tell him that he needed a break from acting as his carer opposed to being his friend. Which is exactly what Seth had been since the accident.
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Post by ashley on Oct 12, 2008 21:15:40 GMT 1
"The guy has a name, Ash. And you know it, why can't you just use it?"
Ash looked up at him, biting his lip. "Sorry" It didn't sound like he really was sorry, since it hardly mattered if he called the guy by his name or not. It didn't make Oscar any more appealing to him. "You could've told me, mate. It's not that I mind you hanging out with him, but well, what if something happens?"
He knew that Seth felt stuck, and in a weirdly selfless way the fight had allowed for his friend to be un-stuck, to live his life without him. To not feel like he needed to be around all the time. He wanted his friend back more than anything. More than he wanted a carer, more than he wanted a lover. He had August after all!
"I'm glad though" He started again, softly. "I'm glad that you're not forced to take care of me all the time. I mean, August don't mind doing it since he became my boyfriend." Ash wasn't sure if he said it to hurt him, or just to make sure that Seth didn't feel guilty about leaving him. Possibly a bit of both.
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Seth Hevulen
Hogwarts Student (A)
Hufflepuff 6th Year
Posts: 153
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Post by Seth Hevulen on Oct 12, 2008 21:25:19 GMT 1
Seth couldn't help but laugh, Oscar was nothing to do with Ash, nothing. "What if something happens? Why does it matter if it does?" he couldn't help but ask, a slight annoyance starting to come through in his tone. Ash had moved on to somebody else, he had replaced Seth in every sense, with a brand new model.
Seth resisted the urge to raise an eyebrow at the word 'boyfriend', because that turned out so great for him before. He could have brought up Noah, but that was low. Uncalled for, and at this moment in time, Seth actually had some control over what he was going to say. "Your boyfriend can replace me all he likes Ash, I still just need to be alone, just for a bit. I need my space okay? And if Oz is in that space, then I don't mind. You said you wanted me to be happy. Then why can't you just let me figure this out on my own!"
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Post by ashley on Oct 12, 2008 21:34:32 GMT 1
"Your boyfriend can replace me all he likes Ash, I still just need to be alone, just for a bit. I need my space okay?"
Ashley felt like shouting that he wasn't replacing Seth. He could never replace his best friend. That spot in his heart was for Seth and for him alone. It didn't matter what went on between them. He had just...he just wanted..."It's not like that, okay? I'm not replacing you. You can't be replaced, I just.." Why did Seth never understand what he meant? When had things turned out like that?
"And if Oz is in that space, then I don't mind. You said you wanted me to be happy. Then why can't you just let me figure this out on my own!"
Figure it out. Those words hurt. They really did hurt, and Ash realized that he did not want his friend to move on. It wasn't fair, he was jealous, and he could never ask his friend not to be happy. He tried telling himself that, over and over, struggling to stay calm and not collapse into another argument. "I am. I do want you to be happy. Don't you dare think that I don't."
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