Tenebrus II
Magical Creature
Thestral Stallion
Hotdog Aficionado
Posts: 71
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Post by Tenebrus II on Oct 4, 2008 12:50:19 GMT 1
*The above message arrives attached to a rather terrified looking owl with very ruffled feathers. A certain someone must have gotten bored.*
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Abraham Grey
Adult (A)
Hufflepuff Head of House
Arithmancy Professor
Posts: 152
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Post by Abraham Grey on Oct 4, 2008 13:31:09 GMT 1
Argall, What the hell, the school owl is looking distinctly ruffled. You need to get your menace of a thestral under control, I happen to like this owl. Don't you have some hotdogs you can give him instead? My Hufflepuffs are most definitely off limits! What ever would I tell their parents? You know you'd get terribly jealous if Cait and I got to spend eternity together. Don't worry though, I'll make sure we haunt you wherever you try to run to. Think of it... two ghosts upsetting your obsessively tidy office on a daily basis. We could take turn so you'd never get any rest. Set bees on me and I'll circulate those pictures of you dancing with the goblin last year at the Hog's Head. You know I still can't tell if it was male or female, I mean it had a beard! Oh dear, I'd forgotten you can't string two sentences together eloquently. How about something like this: Fiona, darling.
My heart beats wildly whenever I catch sight of your heaving bosom. Meet me at my office at 8 and we can have a good shag.
Idris. Burn it! Right now. There is information of a sensitive nature in that thing! Oh my god, you haven't read it have you? I swear next time I see you Argall I'm going to hex you. Then I'm going to slip a love potion into your drink and let that troll that's been eyeing you up have it’s wicked way with you. Essays are part of everybody's curriculum, lucky for me I have a very liberal view of what the word essay actually means. I have no idea why Minerva would think that. You're such a delight to be around. I agree that Divination is usually a load of tosh, but surely the centaurs are proof enough that at least some insight of the future can be gained. As for your most blatant slur on Arithmancy, I'm not even going to dignify it with a reply. Because the tales of what happened last time a basilisk was in the school were such a success? Honestly Idris, I think you have a death wish, if I find you petrified I'll prop you up in my office and use you as a coat rack. Pickle isn't suicidal, he values the deep spiritual connection the two of us share too greatly to risk killing himself and upsetting me. Grey. P.S. I thought you weren't allowed to do practical lessons with Graphorns any more. Ever since that time you tried to make a second year ride one...
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Post by alsa on Oct 4, 2008 13:51:57 GMT 1
Grey,
Remind me to give Tenebrus some hotdogs as a reward. I'll have to train him to eat this one. I could just let the basilisk kill me and then you'll have no one to haunt, ever. And I wouldn't have to deal with your Hufflepuffs.
Of course I read it. What do you think I am, stupid? I particularly loved the part about your brother's affair. Who would have thought it? I know, I'm just the most charming man on the planet. It's a surprise you can stand to be around me without worshipping me.
I'm glad you love me enough to keep me around, even if I am useless and effectively dead. It's such a nice, reassuring thought.
You do realise you're disrupting my second year lesson? There's plenty of Hufflpuffs to be scarring and they're not getting my full attention. I hope your guinea pig (I refuse to call it by its ridiculous name) trips off the desk and splats on the ground. And if you send that note, all contents of your diary will be out. Well, I feel like I'm back in my fourth year. How enjoyable.
Argall.
PS: No, we established the student tried it himself and as such I'm still off the hook. I wonder if it could happen again...
PPS: It was a female goblin, thank you very much, and she was a very good dancer. I don't remember you complaining about your own little adventures with the hag... Or was that an actual woman? Hard to tell the difference.
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Abraham Grey
Adult (A)
Hufflepuff Head of House
Arithmancy Professor
Posts: 152
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Post by Abraham Grey on Oct 5, 2008 14:27:31 GMT 1
Argall,
The contents of my journal is confidential, you arse! These letters are hardly private, stop revealing the aforementioned "information of a sensitive nature", somebody might intercept the owl. Like your obviously underfed thestral... seriously, he needs to stop trying to eat my owl. If word gets out about my brother I'll know who to hunt down and castrate!
Of course I'd keep you around. I've been needing something to hang my coat on for ages. Besides, the conversation would be better.
My fifth years are quite happily experimenting with summoning sums. Can't you multitask Idris, dear? Whatever dangerous creature you've set on my dear Hufflepuffs better be fully under control. Otherwise I'll make you explain to their parents why we're sending one of them home missing an arm.
Ooh bitchy. Shall we call it a draw and save all blackmail material for a later spat? Although if you wish death on poor pickle again all bets are off.
Abe.
P.S. You're a terrible liar sometimes.
P.P.S. She was not a hag! She was very attractive! Well... after the six fire whiskeys anyway. In the morning not so much.
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Post by alsa on Oct 9, 2008 8:49:07 GMT 1
Grey,
I highly doubt anyone is interested in the contents of our owl messages, so stop flattering yourself. And Tenebrus was only a little hungry, I may have to get the students to track him down and feed him. He's certainly not underfed, I may not be the most skilled wizard in the world (yes, by Merlin, I'm admitting it) but taking care of animals is what I do best. Offend my skills again and dire things shall happen.
It's hardly my fault if they manage to hurt themselves with Flobberworms. Flobberworms, honestly. I can't believe they're part of the curriculum, I do think the students are almost as bored as I am. The Tenebrus idea is looking more appealing.
A temporary truce, then? Note that I refrained from threatening Pickle or the kitten again in this letter. It was hard work, I tell you.
Argall.
PS: I'm not lying! Why do people always assume I'm lying? It was actually an accident. Bloody brat didn't listen to a word I said!
PPS: Too much information, Grey.
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Abraham Grey
Adult (A)
Hufflepuff Head of House
Arithmancy Professor
Posts: 152
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Post by Abraham Grey on Oct 16, 2008 2:19:09 GMT 1
Argall,
People might not care about your mail, but I have a relative degree of celebrity in the magical world. Remember the Witch Weekly's most charming smile award? Besides I know for a fact somebody has been reading my mail, the seals are always broken when I get my post. I think I have a stalker... And I mean apart from your bloody thestral who seems to have decided that my owl is the one he wants to eat!
Okay I admit you have some skill with animals. Possibly because you look rather like a primate. Seriously, Idris, have you even heard of personal grooming? Don't be ridiculous, none of my Hufflepuffs are that bad. Always excluding poor August Jensen, bless him, he means well but I've actually seen him fall over when he wasn't even moving before.
The kitten is called Krissy. And I lost him again. I think Reese might have him, what a good cat eh?
Abe.
P.S. Sure Idris. Just like you didn't drown a certain Hufflepuff...
P.P.S. Too much information would be to tell you exactly where she had a birthmark.
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Post by alsa on Oct 21, 2008 23:15:20 GMT 1
Grey,
Yes, as if you'd ever let me forget about it. Who beat you again? You didn't win, I seem to recall. And are you sure? I can't imagine anyone would find you interesting enough to stalk. And is it really his fault that you picked such a delectable morsel?
You try mucking out a Hippogriff every day and keep spotlessly clean, you arsehole. Don't speak to me about that boy, I pretend he doesn't actually attend my classes.
Krissy? Who calls a cat Krissy? I'm sure you've trained it to stalk down your next conquests. By the way, Cait seems to be enamoured by you. Good luck with that.
Argall.
PS: Oh for the love of Merlin's beard, are they saying that again? You'd think they'd be tired of that by now.
PPS: Some things should be kept to yourself.
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Abraham Grey
Adult (A)
Hufflepuff Head of House
Arithmancy Professor
Posts: 152
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Post by Abraham Grey on Oct 26, 2008 22:41:04 GMT 1
Argall,
I just like a bit of recognition for my achievements is all. Unfortunately I lost to Harry Potter, I mean what has he even done? He's saved countless lives and the whole magical world sure, but his smile isn't even that charming... His front teeth are a bit crooked too. I think you'll find I'm very interesting, you're still my friend that must count for something. Although it wouldn’t surprise me if you were just hanging around me for the girls, god knows you wouldn’t attract any on your own. And he's looking a lot less delectable and a lot more bedraggled now that Tenebrus has mauled him a couple of times.
Well with your mucky pastimes I can understand why you'd get dirty, but do you really have to come to my office before you've had a shower, the smell often lingers for days. Don't you pick on August now, the boy can't help it if he has the grace of a drunk hedgehog tied up in a sack. Last I heard he was getting reasonable grades in your class anyway, I might even begin to think you can be fair.
Krissy, short for Kristoff. A very distinguished name. One of my ancestors was called Kristoff, apparently he used to electrocute muggles to try and shock the magic into them. Of course it took a while because he had to wait for a thunderstorm. I don't think Krissy is intelligent enough to stalk my conquests though, he probably just showed up because she was eating a tuna sandwich. Ahh Cait, you should appreciate her more you know, it's almost as if she hasn't aged in 13 years…
Abe.
P.S. She's haunting you because you killed her. It's all very amusing.
P.P.S. Friends share things Idris dearest. If you want I could draw a diagram. *A messy doodle is scrawled onto the letter.*
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