Tell me something {Connor}

[Amelia Pace]

It was weird, as a teenager you always felt like there was never anybody who related to you, that could help you, that understood. It had always annoyed Amelia because in her case it was pretty much true. She didn’t have anybody who was going through exactly what she was going through. One of her friends, teachers, relatives changed into a monster once a month. No matter how some of them tried to desperately to be there for her, they would never truly understand. Finally having somebody who actually knew what it was like to going through what she went through, it was strange. To be able to actually say what it felt like and have the person she was telling actually know it was foreign. Though they were still from completely different worlds, they still had more in common than Amelia and any of the people in the whole castle.

She hadn’t thought about it in terms of understanding it before. Unlike Connor she had learnt about the wolf, it was a part of their syllabus. In a way she was better equipped with knowledge, but Connor had the worldly intake Amelia was unlikely to ever get, ”Understanding it and accepting it aren’t really the same thing. So I guess understanding it wouldn’t be as bad. But I dunno. I just don’t want anything more to do with it than I really have to,” she admitted with a shrug. Had he actually been in that forest? Did he have any ideas what animals were in there? ”And be trampled by a Centaur in the morning? No thanks,” plus waking up completely naked in the middle of a cage in an office was embarrassing enough, being in the middle of the forest ad having to search for her clothes would just be the icing on an already crumbling cake.

”The magical ones might react slightly differently to what you’re used to, Connor,” she said, it was true. He wasn’t so savvy to her world. The creatures weren’t so scared of werewolves as woodland animals were. Whenever they had had Fiernes for Divination he had practically glared at Amelia all lesson. The clothes search really didn’t appeal to Amelia, unless she kept her clothing in the Quidditch arena and made it back before anybody dared practise. Which normally wouldn’t be much of a problem. She wouldn’t feel safe in the forest whether there were animals around or not. In the office she felt weirdly at home. She knew she had protection close by. If she needed it. In the forest she’d have to fend for herself and deal the embarrassment.

[Connor Pine]

Connor gave a little nonchalant shrug, much more uncertain of his position in their argument or debate or whatever the hell it was now they were getting into semantics. He had no idea what the definitions of the two words were or if it was even possible to understand without accepting, nor did he really know what the significance of accepting the wolf was. He did know that he didn’t want this curse to completely control his life, more than it already did anyway, and if that meant living on the fringes of society with the occasional desire to pee on a lamppost then it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

”How can you avoid something that takes over your life once a month?” He asked, not really an accusation, more a plea. Somehow Amelia had found a way to live her life within society. She was quite possibly the most normal person he’d ever held a conversation with, at least for this long. He’d certainly never been so honest before. And yet she couldn’t be entirely normal or they wouldn’t be talking at all. The curse affected them both no matter how different their circumstances were.

The slightest quirk of Connor’s eyebrows was the only indication that he was surprised about her mention of centaurs. They were the half man, half horse creatures right? He’d heard about them, but so long ago he could barely remember the details. Mythical beasts that were filed away in a group of stories about things that couldn’t possibly exist... Like fairies and magic. Except he’d already been proved wrong about one of those and his own condition provided yet more proof that the supernatural must exist. That didn’t mean he had to evaluate and believe it all though. Besides thinking about it meant dredging up memories of his parents reading him stories as a child and that was part of the past he definitely didn’t want to dwell on.

”It’s nothing I can’t handle.” He shrugged again. He wasn’t boasting, just stubbornly refusing to believe his only plan to keep other people safe might have some flaw. ”I’ve been doing this for a long time.” Connor could feel his fingers tingling as the warmth of the changing rooms really began to sink in. He could get used to this; it had been far too long since he’d last been in the proper warmth. Perhaps he could stay, at least for tonight. It didn’t occur to him to ask, he’d never been a guest before.

[Amelia Pace]

There were times when Amelia felt a need to give the guy a slap, and it was times when he though a shrug would suffice as an answer. Amelia was all for talking things over, and if you didn’t know an answer, all you had to do was say so. Shrugging was so defeatist. Something she was quickly learning that Connor seemed to be. Plus, peeing on a lamppost? If there was one thing Amelia wouldn’t be caught dead doing, it was that, even if she looked like a dog when she was doing it. The sheer embarrassment at the thought made her cheeks flush.

It didn’t matter how much he didn’t understand her attitude, it wasn’t something she was about to change, even with a rather pathetic plea, ”Because that’s all it is, once a month,” if you acted like something was up, then people noticed it, if you ignored the problem, it wouldn’t go away, but it didn’t alert people to the fact that there was a problem. She could live on happily n the knowledge that people might have their questions about her, but they didn’t want to know more so didn’t dig for it. The thought that people might not care enough should have bothered her, but it didn’t. Not caring was better than hating her for it.

”A long time in a place that isn’t here,” she wanted to ask him how long, but on only knowing him a few days she didn’t think she had much of a right to dig that far, not yet anyway. It wasn’t the most comfortable conversation to have, and it wasn’t one she had had very often. Comparing battle wounds would have to be saved for another day, and her scars across her abdomen weren’t something she was about so show off to a practical stranger.

Amelia found herself looking around the room. She was at a rut as to what to do next. She couldn’t just leave him here, but if she wasn’t back in the castle soon Connery would send out a search party and then he really could stay here. As much as Amelia knew Connery didn’t know about the new boy in town, and quite frankly she was keen to keep it that way. She wanted to find out more about him before she told Connery about it, he was bond to tell her that she was being a stupid innocently naïve school girl and that there was no doubt that Connor was probably out to get her. Get her or help her, it felt nice to have somebody around who actually understood what you were going on about when you wanted to complain about that cracking of your back and bones once a month.

[Connor Pine]

Connor nodded at her again, completely missing that Amelia was frustrated with him, let alone that it might be his antisocial tendency to fall silent if he had any doubt about what to say that was annoying her. His nod wasn’t even really an agreement with what she’d said, more simply an acknowledgement that she’d spoken at all. For her maybe becoming a werewolf hadn’t changed that much, but for him it had changed everything. As much as he tried not to think about it he could still remember his carefree childhood with parents who loved him and he’d lost all that.

”It’s not just the change.” He said gruffly, feeling a strange compulsion to try and explain to her. Connor had never really felt like anybody understood or was remotely interested in him (apart from as a snack) and he didn’t want to mess it up. It would be a long time, if ever, before he got to have a conversation this frank and open again. ”It’s the crazy smells the week before and the urges.” Connor pulled a face, looking grossed out. ”To eat chicken. And afterwards when you’re knackered.” He looked at her expectantly. Amelia couldn’t possibly ignore it all, even if she made a damn good go of it when it came to her nose.

”All forests are the same after a while.” Connor defended, essentially true, even if he was glossing over a few of the details. The forest near the school did smell a little different and it wasn’t just that it was saturated with magic, the creatures smelt different too, but not so much that he was worried. And he’d be lying if he claimed not to have preferences when he chose somewhere to change every month. It needed to be a large space, a fair distance from anywhere heavily populated and if he could find one where the leaves dropped off the trees then all the better. Sleeping on a bed of leaves was far more comfortable than waking up with pines digging into his back.

[Amelia Pace]

As much as Connor tried to convince her otherwise, Amelia would always believe that that was all the wolf was to her. A once a month thing where she changed into an animal without wanting to, and went through mass amounts of pain to do it. There was nothing of worth that came from being a lycanthrope that Amelia had found so far, and she certainly wasn’t about to go and openly look for it. Maybe she didn’t have to, maybe one good thing about being what she was is that she would meet new people like Connor, through from what he had told her, not all Werewolves were that nice when it came down to it. Like they were an exception to the rule.

”You don’t get it, Connor, that’s all it is to me. That’s all I’ll ever let it be,” she insisted. It wasn’t ever anything she had given into before and she was hell bent on keeping it that way, ”And urge to eat Chicken? What you some sort of vegetarian?” she laughed at the thought, a vegetarian werewolf? That had to be the punch line of some stupid joke that actually made you laugh, ”Being shattered is something I deal with,” she shrugged. ”Make it through the school day and I can sleep. As for the urges: I’ve got to hide it, otherwise people start asking questions. Questions I can’t afford to answer.” she reasoned. Maybe not ignoring it, but being discreet about it.

”Not this one,” she repeated. She’d had had the worst experience of her life in that forest, like hell was she going to let him get away with telling her it was perfectly safe, she had nearly died, and quite frankly why she had been there tonight had been beyond her, ”There are vampires out there. I don’t fancy my chances against them when I’m asleep in the middle of the forest. It’s bad enough when they attack you when you’re conscious.” she said sternly. She really wasn’t about to back down on it. She hadn’t spoken about her attack to anybody apart from Connery since it had happened, even then to was to check she was okay and that her injuries were healed, which they were. ”Trust me, it’s not something you want to go through.”

[Connor Pine]

He wasn’t sure why, but he couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed at Amelia’s insistence that she would never ever accept the wolf. Like somehow that put a little more distance between them. It was a strange feeling to realise he might actually want to be close to somebody. ”Okay,” He said, sounding defensive and perhaps a little jealous that it seemed to be so easy for her. Maybe if he’d had a magic school and a magic potion to help him every month things might have gone differently for him. Maybe if he’d had parents who understood and loved him no matter what... Connor was yanked rather suddenly from that downward spiral of thoughts by her laughter. The sound might even have brought a quirk of a smile to his own lips.

”I dunno,” He accompanied his words with one of his usual shrugs. He’d never really bothered to define his diet, it wasn’t like he spent much time eating somewhere that it might matter. ”Meat tastes funny and you have to cook it.” Connor looked awkward, hunching his shoulders over and looking at the floor for a moment. It wasn’t like he’d learnt how to prepare proper meals, he just ate whatever he could steal, or afford when he did odd jobs. He’d never had a stove either or a microwave, squatting didn’t often leave you many options. ”Vegetables are easier and they taste nice.”

Connor’s head bobbed once in curt agreement with Ame’s desire to avoid questions. He knew what it was like to have to make sure he wasn’t noticed. It had been important back when he was younger; people tended to take notice when a kid was wandering around at two in the morning, covered in dirt and with blood under his fingernails. Nowadays it was easier, well and truly on the fringes of society and old enough that people felt it was easier to pretend he didn’t exist than wonder how he’d got there. Perhaps he had no reason to be jealous after all, he couldn’t imagine living with the constant pressure of being around so many people all the time.

He frowned as she warned him about the forest again. It wasn’t going to stop him from changing there at the next full moon. It was too dangerous to move on now, he might not find somewhere suitable in time and he was far more willing to risk injury to himself from some magical creature than risk killing somebody or worse; burdening them with his curse. ”I’ve been through it.” He told her flatly, tugging up the sleeve of his hoodie up so show her the pinkish scars across the inside of his forearm, just below the elbow. Not the only evidence that he’d had a run in with a vampire, but the most recent in a rapidly growing collection of scars.

[Amelia Pace]

Thinking about it, Amelia had been a little stupid, of course it made sense that he didn’t eat meat, it was too much hassle. It was alright for her, she got her meals cooked for her and served up on a refillable platter every night. ”Look, stay here. It’s free, it’s warm, and I’m sure I can hi-jack you some decent food from the school. It’s not like I don’t spend half my time in here anyway,” she trailed off realising that he would have next to no idea where they actually were, ”But I’m not coming with you,” she stated, leaning against her hands.

There wasn’t a lot more she could do to try and convince him that staying in the Forbidden Forest, and she sure as hell couldn’t convince him that her way was better, because deep down she knew it wasn’t. If she had the courage to tell Connery to stuff it and do what Connor did, then she would. But the safety that the castle gave her and the familiarity she had with her monthly routine made her want to keep it for the few months she had left in the school. But that was it then, what would she do after the summer term ended. She wouldn’t have a right to change in the school anymore.

Maybe learning a new way of life wasn’t that bad a plan after all.

”By all means, change in the forest. But if you get left for dead by a vampire like I did, don’t come running to me,” she said, a small sad smile aimed in his direction. She looked at her watch, she was more than late and if she wasn’t seen in the Common Room soon somebody would say something and Connery would get pissed at her. With the full moon tomorrow night she couldn’t risk him being in a mood with her, ”I’ll bring you some food in the morning. Toast alright? Or you want something more substantial like porridge?” she asked, no intention of actually getting him what he wanted, ”No one should bother you in here,” it was the Gryffindor changing rooms after all and she hadn’t scheduled any practises and nobody else came into the small area, ”I’ve got to go. Otherwise there will be problems. Uh, sleep well, I guess.”

She offered him a farewell smile and shortly waved at him, lingering in by the door before she made her way down the corridor, shutting the door behind her person. She shouldn’t be leaving him there. Screw Connery finding out about her consorting with Connor, keeping him like a pet in the changing rooms would push him over the edge. She would just have to work that school girl charm and bat her eyelids to get out of it.

Not that it would work, but she could try. For now, leaving a werewolf in the Quidditch Arena seemed like a good idea. He seemed harmless enough, and if he wanted out, he didn’t have to stay.

[Connor Pine]

Connor’s eyebrows rose in surprise as she asked him to stay and offered to bring him food. He’d never been a welcome guest before and usually when the owners of whatever property he was squatting in found out he was there they chased him away. Or called the police, he hated it when that happened; it usually meant he had to leave the area. He wasn’t used to such luxury either, to be offered warmth, shelter and a few good, sturdy meals was more than he would ever have thought to ask for. He might even be able to put up with the stench of magic.

”Good.” He grumbled quietly, not sounding as though he meant it at all, as she told him she wouldn’t be joining him in the forest for the full moon. He didn’t really know why it had suddenly become so important. Meeting another werewolf while changed would not very wise (he had the scars to prove it) and he didn’t know what would happen should they go out at the full moon together. They might rip each other apart and he didn’t want that at all. But somewhere in the back of his mind his instincts told him that wouldn’t happen and so he was kind of smarting that she didn’t believe it was safe. ”I change alone anyway.”

The implication that he might get mauled by a vampire didn’t lessen his sulking and he shot her a glare as his pride took another blow. ”I won’t.” He denied, still grumbling. ”I can handle a vampire.” The talk of food cheered him up a little. Connor hadn’t had toast in a long time and the thought of butter melting over hot, toasted bread made his mouth water a little. Porridge was even more of a rarity and he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d had it. He did remember eating it as a child though, his mother serving it up with honey and she always let him lick the spoon. ”Anything.” He said a little wistfully.

After that she left and Connor lifted his hand in a small wave. The room felt suddenly empty without her and not quite as secure as it had seemed when he followed her in. He didn’t like the thought of somebody knowing where he would be sleeping, it made him feel vulnerable and for a long time he considered just leaving. It would be so easy for Amelia to come back late at night with the police or worse; a teacher. But in the end the temptation of spending a night in the warmth and relative comfort of the changing rooms was too much to resist.